Page 52 of The Love We Deny
Three weeks is enough time to get over him.
I’m looking at the situation clearly now. I’m a doctor. I work in science. With facts. And in this case, the facts are that Will rejected me. He laughed in my face when I told him how I felt. He is my brother-in-law, no matter the state of my marriage.
He’s a criminal who spent the last seven years in prison, and even longer destroying his life.
Those are not the details of someone I should be pining for.
So I’m not.
I’m over it.
It’s out of my system.
My budding relationship with Karen is helping with that. We’ve been out four more times, and I’ve been making a real effort to be present. She’s funny. Direct with her opinions. Ollie and I attended her son’s birthday party over the weekend, and the two boys got along well, running around the park together, while Karen and I talked and laughed, ignoring the rest of the guests.
We’ve slept together one more time since, and it was better than the last, because I was prepared for it.
She’ll never be Will, but he isn’t an option. And I’m a grown man with a family and responsibilities, and I don’t have the time to want something that isn’t going to happen.
So I’m moving past it.
As long as I keep a distance, I can almost forget everything that happened between us. Our kiss, his hands on my body, the way he saw all of me and taunted me, while taking me further than I’ve ever been with his fist—
Almost.
Joyce’s church does a donation drive every year around the holidays, and she’s been running it since before I met her, and that means the rest of us are automatically volunteered to help. The kids usually have fun, even though Addie is complaining because she already had plans with Emmett.
I might have let her go, but it feels even more important to come this year, to keep up the tradition even though Jess isn’t here.
It’s already busy when we arrive, tables set up in rows with donations sorted by category, volunteers standing behind them in pairs. Ollie drops my hand the moment we’re through the door, making a beeline for a kid from his class.
Joyce finds us before we have to wonder where to go, pulling Addie into a hug first and then me. “Thank you for coming,” she says when she pulls back, squeezing my arms.
“You know we look forward to helping out,” I remind her as she turns to scan the room.
And that’s when I see him.
Will is standing near the back wall behind a big box of canned goods, wearing a red flannel shirt open over a t-shirt. “I thought it might be good for him,” Joyce says, following my gaze. “To be out among people, help out.”
“Of course,” I say, and it’s true, I just wish my avoidance didn’t have to be interrupted.
“Why don’t you go over and help him? Make sure everything is running smoothly.” She frames it as a suggestion, but I know it’s not.
I hold my breath as I make my way across the room, weaving between people. Will doesn’t say anything when I come to stand shoulder to shoulder with him, picking up a can from his pile, but I feel his eyes on me more than once.
We work in silence for a while. Soup here, vegetables there, the chatter from the nearby tables filling the silence between us, and I think, okay. So far so good. I don’t have any urge to kiss him. Maybe the distance is working. If we can get through this without talking—
“You’ve been avoiding me,” Will says, interrupting my peace.
“No, I haven’t.”
He turns toward me, but I focus on the can of corn I’m holding. “I haven’t seen you once this week. Or last. Not in the hallway, not in the break room.”
“Maybe I was with a patient. I’m very busy, you know.”
“Sure you are.”
“I am.”
