Page 2 of The Love We Deny
Jess hasn’t looked up, still crouched beside Addie, trying to open the box for her new doll. But Addie, who notices everything, looks across the yard, and her face transforms into the brightest smile I’ve ever seen.
“Uncle Will!” She’s on her feet, flying by me in a flash of pink as she crosses the yard, sprinting toward her uncle, who catches her with ease, despite the state he’s in.
Whatever else is going on with him in this moment, whatever he’s done in the past, Addie hugs him, and he hugs her back just as tight.
It tugs on my heart a little bit. I wish for her sake, and his, that this could be okay.
Addie pulls back to look at him, her little arms still wrapped around his neck. “You came to my birthday,” she says, like she can’t believe it. “I’m eight now, did you know?”
“No way! Eight?” he asks, his voice sounding different as he tucks a curl behind her ear. “That’s almost as old as me!”
She beams at him, unaware of anything but the fact that it’s her birthday and her uncle showed up to see her, whilethe adults in the yard are looking back and forth, in silent conversation.
“I’ll handle this,” I say to Frank, setting my sweet tea on the wooden picnic table as I make my way over to them.
“Hey, man,” Will says as I approach them,casual, like he didn’t show up to my daughter’s birthday party with his pupils dilated and a wobble in his stance.
The average person might not be able to tell, but I work in the ER. I know what high looks like. And Will might have been my first example.
I don’t acknowledge him, turning to Addie instead. I keep my voice calm while she’s in his arms, determined not to let this ruin her day. “Why don’t you get Mommy to help you open those new paints? I need to talk to Uncle Will for a minute.”
“Oh,is it a secret?” she asks, looking between us.
I force a smile and a nod, avoiding his gaze that hasn’t left my face. “Something like that.”
Her grin matches mine as Will sets her down to go back to Jess, who’s glaring our way with her arms crossed. “Okay, Daddy!”
When Addie is far enough away, I turn to him. “Come on.” We walk through the gate, past the decorative pines, around the side of the house, while voices pick up in the backyard.
Over here it’s just the two of us and the brick house, alone, and when I turn to face him, the mask I had on for my family’s sake slips. “What the hell are you doing here, Will?” I start, looking into the glassy, sunken eyes of my brother-in-law.
I don’t know how he let himself get this bad.
“It’s Addie’s birthday,” he says, like that’s a believable reason at this point. He stopped caring about this family a long time ago.If he ever did.
“You can’t be here like this.” I gesture in his general area, because where do I even start?
The easy expression drops, his eyes narrowing and his hands clenching into fists at his side. “I came to see my niece.”
“I know you did.” The worst part is, I believe him. I know he thinks the world of Addie. I also know that doesn’t matter right now. “But you’re high at your eight year old niece’s birthday party, and you need to go beforesherealizes that.”
He looks away, craning his head toward the backyard. “Come on, dude. Let me—”
“No,” I say, firm in my decision. I want Addie to know her uncle, but not like this. “I’ll tell her you had a work thing. Go home and sleep off whatever you took. I can send you some rehab—”
“I don’t needyouto lie for me,” he says, cutting me off, and that’s okay. We’ve had this conversation many times before, and it never made any difference.
I still can’t help but try.
“Then what do you need, Will? Because we care about you. We hate to see you like this. So tell me what you—”
“A hundred bucks.”
I stop, shaking my head in disbelief. “You’re asking me for money.”
He shrugs. “You’re a hotshot doctor now, ain’t you? I figure a hundred bucks is nothing to you.”
“I’m not funding you destroying yourself,” I scoff, baffled that he would actually come here to ask for money.
