Page 91 of The Love We Deny
He keeps talking, about milk, but I can’t care about what he’s saying. I don’t even hear it.
“Will.”
Something about my voice must make him realize this is serious, as the softness drains from his face, morphing into concern. “What?”
Even after everything, I don’t want to say it. I don’t want to ruin things between us. Maybe it was fake to him, but last night was real to me. Thatversion of himwas real to me.
But as much as I wish I could, I can’t let him lie to me anymore.
“Where are the pills?”
He blinks, fake confusion flickering across his face. “What pills?”
“There was a prescription bottle in the medicine cabinet.” I keep my voice calm, steady, the one I use to tell patients bad news. “It belonged to Jess from a few years ago. Pain pills. They’re missing.”
“Why would I know what Jess did with her pills?” he says, his brow furrowing.
“The orange bottle. On the second shelf.” I watch his face, but nothing gives him away. “It’s gone.”
He looks confused, wondering why I would be asking him this. But I see the moment it clicks, when his eyes narrow and he realizes exactly what he’s being accused of.
The silence is deafening.
“I’m not angry, Will.” That’s not even a lie. Angry isn’t the word. I’m devastated. “But I need you to give them back before you do something you can’t take back.”
“Nolan.” His voice has gone flat, as his arms cross over his bare chest. “I didn’t take anything.”
“You were the only one who could have. The only one who had access to that room other than me.”
“So, maybeyoulost them then.”
I want to believe him. But I didn’t touch them, and he was the only one who could have. And I know how Will is. I’ve been here before with him, believing what I wanted to believe.
‘He’s doing okay now.’
‘He seemed fine this visit, maybe he’s getting better.’
But he never is. It’s always a matter of time before he’s using again, and maybe I didn’t want to see it this time. Didn’t want to believe he would go back on all of his progress.
“It’s not too late to stop, Will,” I say, even though I know it’s useless. All of my efforts never amount to anything. “You’ve been clean for so long. I can help you. We can figure out—”
“I didn’t take them,” he says through clenched teeth, his arms dropping and his hands clenching into fists.
“Okay,” I say, taking a step back from him with my hands up, surrendering the fight before it begins. I can’t do that right now. “I think you should go.”
“What?”
“I think you should leave.” I hear my own words, but they sound like they should be coming from someone else. Someone from town who wants to hurt Will. Notme. “I can’t have you inthe house, around the kids, if you’re using again. If you’re going to steal from me.”
He comes around the island, and I take another step back. “Are you serious?” He has an edge to him now that I haven’t seen since before.
“Will—”
“Fuck you.” He points at me, and his hand is shaking. “I can’t believe this. I knew you would do this, you know that?” He stops, looking at me with watery eyes that break my heart, even after what he’s done. “But still— I give in to your shit aboutliking me, and now you’re standing there accusing me of stealing?”
“They’re gone—”
“That doesn’t mean I took them!” He’s getting louder now, and I know he gets like this when he’s hurt, but he has no reason to be. He did this to himself. “After last night, you really think I would—”
