Page 36 of Red Masquerade

I let him pull me down one of the halls, leading probably to the many amenities for guests, and the crowd became considerably smaller. No one looked at us, caught up in their own conversations. And when he shoved through a door, we came out to an alleyway between this building and the next. It was immediately quieter, the sounds of the street muffled by the corner we were now hidden around. Brick walls on either side of us, a few trash receptacles, newspapers littering the ground. But no one else, save for an employee at the very end of the alleyway, smoking a cigarette and leaning against the wall, staring up at the sliver of sky between the two buildings.

The door fell shut with a loudclank, drawing the hotel employee’s attention, but he quickly looked away. He had probably snuck away without anyone knowing, for a breath of air, and I figured he wouldn’t blab if we didn’t.

I was suddenly whirled around, my back hitting the brick wall, knocking my breath from my lips. And Adam was suddenly caging me in, his broad shoulders blocking out the alley.

“Adam!”

His knee pressed between my legs, trapping me between him and the wall. My heart fluttered in my chest. “It was too loud in there,” he said, leaning closer to me. His hands rested on the wall, one on each side of my head. And every time his eyes flicked down to my lips, I wanted to kiss him.

But if anyone saw us now, I’d be ruined.

My cheeks were aflame. “You wanted to talk—”

He brushed his nose along my cheek, sending shocks through me. My eyes shut, a gasp escaping me as my hands came up to his chest. His heart beat against my fingers, a rhythmic thud. “I want to do more than talk,” he murmured, hooded eyes trailing along me, my body.

“But, how—” Another gasp was drawn from me when his hand came to rest on my jaw, thumb brushing against my cheekbone. “Flora—”

“Because once a week is not enough, Helena.” His breath was hot against my lips. He was so close. So, so close. All it would take was a brush of our lips and I would truly be the harlot my mother feared. And the position he had me in now, the polite, sometimes devilish young man had made way for the part of him that desired me. Like he couldn’t hold it back anymore.

And despite my best judgment, I wanted him to keep going.

“You are driving me wild,” he said. “I can think of nothing else. Every waking moment is spent wondering where you are, what you’re doing. And I hate that I can’t be there.” He dipped his head lower, nose lingering against my jaw, his breath fanning the sensitive flesh of my neck.

Another clank of the door signaled the absence of the employee, perhaps worried what he’d see if he stayed any longer.

My hand fisted in Adam’s shirt. “You’re going to get me into trouble,” I whispered. My eyes were shut, every sensation of his touch lessening my worries. No man had ever pushed me up against a wall before. No man had been so wild with desire for me. The boys that I’d briefly courted—all polite conversation, supervised. Nothing like this.

It sent my body reeling, and all I knew was I wantedmore.

“Is it bad that I don’t care?” Adam said, placing a kiss on my neck.

Something in me tightened.

“I’m inclined to ruin you, Helena.” Another kiss, closer to my ear. “To steal you away.”

Every breath was ragged. My head spun. “I can’t—”

“Why worry so much?” he murmured, leaning away just enough so he could look me in the eye. I saw the desire there, his pupils dilated. Felt how much he wanted me with every touch, with the way he pressed his body to mine.

I reached up, twining my hand around his neck, pulling him to me, our foreheads together. “Because,” I said, tangling my fingers in his hair, “I don’t want this to end.”

Twelve

For the next few days, I was bursting to tell Flora everything.

About how I had walked in onsomething—a scene which I increasingly could not believe, wondering if perhaps I’d made it all up: Mr Sinclair’s blood-stained chest and fingers, yet how he was absolutelyfine. I hadn’t heard that there were any deaths at the party, but I also supposed there were people powerful enough to cover up a story like that.

And then he had led me tohim, to Adam, who appeared as though he had never left.

How long had it been since he returned? It felt like a stab to my gut, a wrench to my heart, how I had not known. How he hadn’ttoldme.

I was unable to leave the house, not because of Mother’s insistence, her house arrest, but because I didn’t know how to face the world.

Wasting away in my bed, only leaving my room for meals. Mother seemed pleased that I would not take Flora’s calls, that I did not go out in the evenings. The maid said nothing to me, only waking me in the late morning, bringing me my tea, and helping me get ready for bed at night, all the while eyeing me warily. Though, I didn’t need much readying. After a few days, I stayed in my nightgown and just pulled my robe on top, for some semblance of propriety when joining my mother downstairs.

I had to tell Flora. Had to get this truth out of me, had to release it from its festering in my heart.

But she’d think I was crazy.