Page 92 of All That Remains
"I needed you more," he quipped. "But I needed to break away more than either of us needed each other."
"I know."
"I watched every show after I left.”
"I was afraid you might. I was nervous thinking of that."
"And every interview."
"I stalked your socials. Even the new ones."
"I nearly went to the final show, but thought against it at the last minute. I thought I'd look like an idiot or somethin’. Like I was beggin' to be taken back."
"I wish you had. Things might've been different."
"Maybe." He sniffed and rubbed his nose. "Wanna go to bed, sweetheart?"
"Thought you'd never ask."
He hauled me to my feet and followed me back to the bedroom. We collapsed onto the mattress, lazily undressing.
"Did you break up with Piper by email?" I muttered.
The room was luminous, filled with moonlight. It cast long shadows from the yard since the drapes were still open.
"It's complicated."
"How so?"
"She only yelled in the end. I wasn't gonna have her screamin' at me. Makin' me feel like shit because I wanted to end it. You have no idea how many times I tried to end things before. So I stopped bothering to reach out, and she got the message."
"Kind of like me."
"Yeah...I was done listenin' to anybody at that point. Sorry."
We slid beneath the sheets and I lay on his chest, drowsy and leaden. He stroked my hair.
“Rafe…”
“Hm?”
“I’m so sorry I hit you. Back before I left…”
It had been two years in the making. Suddenly I was fighting full body chills. It was the first sober, sincere mention of his violence, and it made my blood run cold.
“It’s all good.”
“It isn’t. And I can never express to you how shitty I feel about it. Each time it happened. I think of it more than you’ll ever know. How much I must've scared you. How I justified it by tellin’ myself you were a man, so it didn’t count. That we were in a mutual fight, even though you never hit me. I can’t fucking fathom that I put you in the hospital. That you took it all and kept coming back. That you’re here now, as loving as the day I met you. It makes me wanna kill myself.”
“I get it, Rome. And I’m sorry things came to that. I forgave you a long time ago for everything, to be honest. Because I guess my need for you outweighed my desire to be angry. But everything you’re saying now…it matters. More than you’ll ever know. It helps.”
“I willneverhurt you like that again. I promise, Rafe. You hear me? It wasn’t me. It wasn’t me, I swear. I’msosorry, baby.” He crushed me.
"I like your yard," I said, at a loss for all else.
"I'm done pretending I don't want you."
"Good.”
