Page 90 of All That Remains
"One thousand percent. I don't think anyone would argue with that.” Then, I had to admit: "But there were good aspects too. Most of the people we worked with on the road were decent. They made our careers, really."
"Yeah, I'm not denyin’ that, obviously...and a lot of it was great. But at the end of the day...yourgood experiences are notmine. I don't mean to complain, but I'm just notbuiltfor that lifestyle, Rafe. The schedule wasstrictas hell. Not seein' my family...it nearly killed me."
“Y'know...” I ventured. “I felt numb too...after you left. It just sort of, uh, feltsurreal...like it was the end of the world."
“M’sorry…”
He took my foot onto his lap and massaged it. I leaned back onto my hands and savored the feeling.
"What kills me is thatnoneof the other boys felt the way I did. They werepissedat me for even suggesting stopping after you left. They felt like we werecaving...like it'd somehow prove we were nothing without you. There were lots ofegosspeaking at the time. Alex and I went back and forth...it gotmadheated. Then Nathan joined in, againstme. Levi tried to be diplomatic, but he didn't wanna quit either."
"So they ganged up on you?" I nodded. "Pussies," he spat.
"I told them I was done, and that I wasn't negotiating anymore. I would finish the tour of course—"
At that he laughed and raised his brows, alluding to his refusal to finish the tour. "When did you first bring it up?"
"Like right away. The second you left."
"Damn..."
"Youknowme. There's no way I would be comfortable continuing. In my world,everythinghad just fallen apart. Nothing made sense anymore, so it was ridiculously difficult to, uh...pretendand beenthusiastic onstage, y'know? I just wanted to walk away."
"I'm glad you did...cause now you're here."
"Yeah…me too."
29
He opened the lastStellaand challenged me to a drinking game, during which he couldn't stop leaning across to kiss me. After a few lazy pecks, he would return to his seat until he felt the urge for more. Tonguing my scar like it turned him on. During the game we took turns answering a series of uncomfortable questions, and if we couldn't answer adequately in twenty seconds, we had to drink. He ran to get the whiskey in case the beer ran out, and grabbed a coffee mug from a Mercedes dealership on the way. The Weeknd's "I Can't Feel My Face" drifted about the room.
"Alright, Rafe...first person you had sex with after I left?"
"Fuck’s sake, mate! You went straight in with the dirt." I facepalmed hard. He pulled my hand away.
"Go! Timer's set!"
"Fuck, fuck, fuck...umm...it was awoman.I met her at the farmer’s market in downtown London. Um...the end!"
I cringed so hard recalling my time with her. I just wanted to drink it away. I necked theStellauntil he snatched it from my mouth, creating a suction sound with the bottle.
"Heyyyy..." I said, licking my lips.
"What're you drinkin' for? You've gottenwhole seconds left. Make ‘em count!"
"Mate, I'mdone. She was older than my fooking mum. I always said I wouldn't go older than my mum...but I did. I reallydid.” I cringed again, drawing my knees to my chest. "I'm not telling you about that. Hell no—"
He fell back and kicked his feet in the air with a ridiculous laugh, to which I couldn't help but cackle too.
"Mate, shut up! Stoptorturingme! She lived in thistinyloft in this old historic district, and she had this weird, jeweled screen around her bed. And these giant Virgin Mary candles everywhere. She was Catholic, I think. And she barely spoke any English, and she just played this, uh,Russian gypsy musicthe whole time—"
"Fuck, babe,” he barked with laughter. “Youcannotbe serious!"
"Shut up! I am! And she made me eat this weird soup when I was done. And she stood over me the whole time until I finished."
He began to choke on his laughter, doubling over onto his side. I slapped his ass.
"Go,yourturn!" I set the timer for him as he collected himself, wiping tears away.
