Page 66 of All That Remains
"Self-involved, entitled,greedy...."
"Exactly. Few people are, like,invulnerableto the negative effects of money and fame. They’re powerful, mate."
“Yeah…” After a while I ventured: "So... a lot's changed lately, right?" He nodded. "You, sort of like, have a whole different thing going on here. It's, uh,goodfrom what I can see. But I'm just wondering, Rome...are you finallyhappy, mate?"
"Happy?" He cut someone off because he’d nearly missed his turn. The GPS freaked out on him. An angry horn followed us down the road before easing off.
"What, you mean now? In this very moment?"
"Yeah, I guess…. you know what I mean. In general, I guess."
"Um...yeah, I think. But…it sort ofvaries."
"What…like you’re not sure or something?"
"Look, man…I dunno. What do you even mean?" He looked put off. "What do you mean byhappy,exactly? It can meansomany things, Rafe."
"Can it?"
"Of course it can. You know that."
"Well…then I guess that depends on what happiness means to you, right?"
"I'd rather know how you meant it."
"Shit, mate...I'm just saying…are you like...happy, y'know?Contentor something? Are youpleasedwith life? Withyour new setup? Are you in want of anything? Are you better off now than when we were in the band?"
"Bro, I dunno.Content? Uh, sure.Pleased? Yeah, most days. Most of the time it's cool, I guess. Inwantof anythin', you say? Of fuckin’ course, Rafe. I'll always be in want of things, man. Things I can't have...things that aren’t meant for me. Just like all the rest of us. It's human nature."
"What things are those?"
"Y'know. It’s everythin’else. Like, sometimes I just want...thingsI can't particularly describe, if I'm honest. It's the sort of shit you imagine would go away once you cop a dope house, or earn loads of money, or even meet agorgeousbird, but it just doesn't, y'know? It’s always there in the back of your mind. Naggin’ ya."
"Right..." I said, staring absently ahead. "Yeah, I guess I know the feeling."
***
When we got to the doctor’s office, he parked and I shook his hand for getting us there in one piece. It was nearing closing time, so the lot was empty and we were grateful for the added seclusion. Strolling straight into a private lounge, we sat side by side in the oversized leather chairs. We goofed off for a while, nudging each other's elbows off the shared armrest, before he got up and made a few faces at the fish in the tank.
I studied his boots and clothes, appreciating the conscious mixture of designer and non-designer items. He still valued solid, versatile pieces and accessorizing over labels. Despite having a massive wardrobe, he rarely packed when we were on the road, and typically ended up cycling through mine and the other boys' clothes the minute he ran out of his own. I didn't mind it though. I got a weird thrill out of seeing him in my things sometimes, particularly when he wore them to bed.
"Did I tell you I met Jeff Goldblum?" he asked, plopping down beside me again, picking up a months-oldissue ofPeople.
"No. Did you? When?"
"Yeah, man. Last year."
"How was he?"
"About how you’d expect. Cool, man. Really cool."
“He’s a legend.”
"Hardly even recognized 'em at first. I just knew he was a bit of a face, y'know? He was eatin' at one of them tables across from me, and a friend introduced us after a while. He was super chill though—"
"Mr. Rawlings?" the nurse called upon entering. Her name was Gayle. She was a short, stout woman with mystically long hair. Normally I’d be pleased to see her face, since she always greeted me with a refreshing sincerity, but today I had to stifle my irritation over the interruption. I told him I'd see him in a bit and followed her to the back rooms.
Half an hour later, prescriptions called in, I was set free and rejoined him with a knot in my stomach. Uneasy that at any moment the mirage would vanish.Fuck’s sake, he was shockingly beautiful. Reclining in the seat with a breezy nonchalance. A long-limbed, swagged out, gut punch of a wet dream.Yet, he wasreal. In the most bizarro-world turn of events, Romewas here, waiting forme. When the fuck did that happen? When had my world been righted? After all the tears, fears, and sleepless prayers, he was there. How’d I get so fucking lucky?
