Page 106 of All That Remains
“Christ’s sake, Rafe.”
“I wanted you to feel the way I felt after Bangkok. You fucked me over and I needed to get you back. I can’t believe it actually worked. Han never touched me." I buried my face in my hands and waited for him to speak again.
"Either way... this isn't good.Wearen't good. We're drivin' each other mad onpurpose."
"I wish I could take it back."
"Yeah, me too."
"Rome..." I whispered. I felt so alone. I wished he’d come across the room and reassure me, but that wasn’t in his DNA when he got this way. Trouble was, he probably still didn't believe me, and as always, I’d find myself apologizing and groveling for weeks on end until he let me back in.
"He didn't touch me, Rome, Iswear."
"Yeah...you already said that."
“I wouldn’t let another man touch me. I know that’s off limits.”
“Yeah okay. Whatever you say, Rafe.” He was bone-chilling when he got this way. Unmerciful and genuinely callous. Like I didn’t know him.
“Roman, why won’t you fucking listen?! I just said it to piss you off!”
"Mission accomplished. And somehow, that makes it even worse, y'know?” He rubbed his forehead like a weary inquisitor. “Knowin' you lied specifically to upset me. That’s manipulative as fuck. So I dunno what to believe anymore. And I really don’t wanna be around you right now, if I’m honest." That cut deep.
"Fuck that. Believeme. I never lied to you before. And I won’t do it again, alright? I promise, alright?" I wept like a child, slamming my head against the door. "I didn't wanna hurt you—"
"Yeah you did. You just admitted you did—"
"But notreally. I wasn’t thinking straight—"
"Right...well..." He got up and gathered his bag and phone. "Either way...gotta go."
"No, Rome,wait, mate..." I crawled onto my knees before the door.
He stopped in front of me, looking ready to plow through if I didn't move.
"You're not even gonna say goodbye?!"
"Why should I?"
"Because I fucking love you, you dickhead!"
He dropped his bag. That simple gesture held promise. I grabbed him around the waist and rested my face against his belly. I could feel the hard trappings of his belt buckle. He stroked the back of my head, dragging his fingers half-heartedly through my hair.
"Don't go..." I whispered, weeping up against his shirt. I could feel the warmth behind my face, the emotion welling, tautening my throat. He smelled likeAxe,Gain, and weed.
"Baby..." I said, gazing up at him, blinking through the tears.
He looked down on me—small, fleeting glints of pity breaking through the rage like a reluctant dawn. I wrinkled my brow to gain more sympathy. That always got him. He thumbed away a tear that escaped down my cheek.
"I didn't wanna leave like this, Rafe. But now that everythin’s in place and the announcement’s been made, I have to go. At least for a little while. But I'll be back, babe." Finally, some assurance. But still not good enough.
"Not soon enough."
"We need a break from each other."
I couldn't argue with that. As we separated, he reached and grabbed his bag, but something within me broke. Like the shattering of a levee, all I'd been holding back for months broke free. I was convinced I’d never see him again.
God, I couldn’t move. It was no longer a voluntary decision to stay put. I physically could not lift myself or adjust my feet to carry me away from the door. Kneeling there was all I had left in my arsenal. I took a shaky breath and tried to plead my case without sobbing. My voice was hoarse and pathetic.
