Page 102 of All That Remains
"But that's what you said, in so many words." I fumed. He looked over at me and was so exhausted I felt terrible for him. “Look, mate…how else do you expect me to respond to that? What do you want me to say?”
“That you’d consider—”
"Being strangers again?"
"Yeah...maybe."
"So that’s it? You can just leave here now and forget you ever saw me? Forgeteverythingwe said and did over the last few days?"
“I dunno, bro.”
He hunched, eyes downcast. His knuckles looked bruised. He had a bad habit of punching things when he was angry. He'd broken his hand a time or two before, always the same one. He’d also broken my ribs.
"Is that what you really want?" I panicked. “Say something!”
"You already know it's not."
"Thenwhat?!"
"It's the only real solution here, Rafe...no matter how much I don't want it to happen.”
“That’s bullshit and you know it,” I quavered.
“Look, babe…the last few days we’ve been like glue. And they were the mostrightI've felt in a long time. But what's the cost of feelin’right, exactly? Havin’ you back in my life meant more to me than you'll ever know. But it has alsodevastatedsomeone else I care deeply about..."
I squeezed my eyes shut, sick to my back teeth of his mentioning her.
"I-I don’t get you, mate. You’re all over the fucking place with this, Rome. You don’t know what the fuck you want. You never do—”
“That’s not fair.”
“You say it‘feels right’…” I spat, glowering at him. “But then you’re just so quick to shove it all aside? And for what? Somebody else’s feelings? You gonna live your whole life worried about how other people feel about us?! That’s all I ever fucking hear from you, and I’m sick of it! I’m so sick of thinking about other people. We had unfinished business. I don’t give a fuck about anybody else when it comes to that!”
“Rafe, you’re being unreasonable.”
“Fuck that! And fuck her! She’s using you! Can’t you bloody see that?”
“No, bro. It’s not like that. We’re there for each other. We’ve been buildin’ each other up. You just can’t see it because you’re upset and jealous—”
“I don’t wanna see it!” I screamed, tears streaming down my face. “Why do we need to go back to being miserable forher?! Letherbe unhappy. I’m so tired of being unhappy for other people, Rome. I just wantyou, alright? It’s all I want.” I bit my lip, searing all over with agony. “For fucking once, I want you to myself.Pleasejust be fucking straight with her and tell her you're done. Tell her you’re with me now,please. Say you’re with me. Say you’re with me, I’m begging you…"
"Baby…it's not that simple.”
I despaired, cleaning my face with the end of my shirt.
“She said that if I left...she'd telleveryonethe type of guy I am…and the shit I got up to."
That stopped me cold. We sat in silence, suddenly faced with the hideous certainty of our predicament. The worst of our apprehensions made manifest. I knew the extortion wouldcome, and now we had confirmation she was exactly who I’d pegged her to be. I could sense it the moment I laid eyes on her.
“I’m so sorry, Rafe,” he whispered. He pressed the heel of the hand that held the cigarette to his temple and looked so quintessentially stressed that I marveled. It was like an advert for anti-depressants. "She said if I ever saw you again...she'd hurtherself. Whatever that means. That's what she implied...in so many words."
"That'sblackmail. Textbookextortion. That's so fucking low, mate. Iknewshe'd go there...they all fucking do—"
I threw the mug against a far wall and it shattered. Coffee flew everywhere. Rome flinched, then looked at me in disbelief, wiping hot coffee from his arm.
"Babe, chill," he breathed. I balled my hands into fists and planted them on either side of my face. "Rafe...Rafe? You gottachill, baby—"
"Don't call me that. Don't call us both the same thing."
