Page 101 of All That Remains
"Babe..." he began, carefully. Rather entranced. Refusing to look at me. "I'm so unbelievably sorry."
"Don't...it's alright." I stared ahead as well.
"No, mate, it'snot. I shouldn't have told you to go. And earlier…I should've told you I'd be back. Simple as that. Icould've avoided all this if I was just straight with you from the jump. I-I don’t know why I snuck away, Rafe. I just thought it’d be easier. I'm an idiot for leavin' you in the dark, makin' you go through all that."
He dug into his pants pocket and removed my keys. I accepted, grasping his hand in the process, as I needed to reconnect in any way. I was losing it. He’d been slipping away since morning, and I was desperate to cling to what was left. It was like déjà vu. 2016 all over again. He clocked my pathetic attempt and pulled away, rubbing his palm down his jeans.
"It's ok...I'll be ok. I'm just glad you're alright, Rome."
"The way she spoke to you...shit, the way you spoke toher." Finally, he glanced at me, brow furrowed. "I'm sorry, Rafe. You didn't deserve that. You're not even used to that type of shit. It’s fuckin’ low and trashy. I'm so sorry, babe."
"Hey," I nudged him a little. "Don't worry about it, ok?" He nodded. "I can be trashy.”
He chuckled. “You were ghetto, bro. I’ve never seen that side of you before.”
“I could be anything for you. Just say the word.”
“You’re mental, babe. I love it.”
“And hey, we made it out in one piece. Pretty decent if you ask me. She didn't clean your clock again, right? That’s a win in my book." We looked at each other and laughed.
"Look, Rome…I had a really special time with you yesterday. The time of my life, to be honest. The other shoe was bound to drop. I just didn't think it'd be this soon."
"Me neither."
"Will you just kiss me already?"
He leaned across the console, cupped the back of my neck, and pressed his lips to mine. Then he set our foreheads together and breathed. It was every bit apologetic. His touch, his silence, his shaky breath. He was even more embarrassed than I was.
"Just get rid of her, alright?" I pleaded, nudging him with my nose. "I just want you to be okay, Rome. That’s all." When I got out of the car, I leaned back in the doorframe. "I'll leave the door open tonight, in case you wanna come back."
He gave a dejected nod. Like he was off to see the hangman.
By the time I'd showered and tended my wounds, I could only crawl into bed with a weightythunk. So delirious I could barely shove the charger into the end of my phone. Before long, I had deep, lucid visions of him coming through the front door, plodding up the stairs, and crawling into bed to hold me. But as I slipped under, I was intensely aware of being alone.
***
Morning came and went. So did the afternoon. I was awakened around 6PM by none other than Roman Jacobs. He had indeed returned, just not to hold me. I brushed my teeth and followed him downstairs. The cleaning ladies had been by, and I could tell because my coffee pods and mugs were painstakingly organized. I drank a hot cup, black, and sat across from him at the kitchen island.
"What's the verdict?" I drawled, picking gunk from the corners of my eyes. He played the lit end of a cigarette around the ashtray. It was a cheap one I'd stolen from a hotel years ago.
"She doesn’t wanna end it," he uttered, almost incredulously.
“Seriously?”
“Yep. She wants to stick around.”
"Of fucking course she does. But what aboutyou?"
"Y'know, Rafe...if there's one thing I could 'ave right now...it'd be for things to go back to the way they were before…everythin'."
"You mean beforeme?"
"Yeah, before you…"
"So, you came all the way here to tell me that? How inconvenient my existence is to you? Could’ve been an email, dickhead."
"That's not what I meant..."
