Page 56 of Mortala
At my sides, my hands clench to keep me from rolling off this bed and putting thousands of miles between us.Instead, I wait for her to say something instead of looking at me like she’s discovered aliens.
Draped over her shoulders, her hair captures the glowing moon light—the only way in hell she could ever appear ethereal now that I’ve dealt with the demon living inside of her.
Smooth legs remain folded under her so she doesn’t take up too much space which ticks me off.Sadie can take all the space she wants, and then some.Peeking from under her bent knees are perfectly polished toes that absentmindedly attempt to grip the sheet I’ve mummified myself inside.
Unnervingly, she doesn’t blink while still watching me.
“Wh… what’re you doing?”I ask with gravel rolling in my throat.
Her voice oozes sweetness.Dripping with venom-laced honey.Makes me think someone else is at the wheel.
Please lord, not right now.I need a damn break.
“Counting the seconds between your breaths.You exhale slower than you inhale, did you know that?”
Yeah, I can’t tell if this is Sadie.
It’s best if I don’t provoke her at the moment, so let me just…sit up and put space between us.After today, I need the additional reaction time.
My back presses to her headboard when I rise.Thankfully my clothes are still on.Kate must like her sacrifices with the husk intact—let me add that to my list of notes on how to deal with feral ghosts.
Sadie scoots a fraction closer and I tense.Blue eyes follow me as if she’s waiting for me to do something equally drastic, to yank the rug from under her—or in this case, a blanket.Something’s changed, I know it, she knows it.I almost can’t look at her, my avoidance has hurt passing over her pretty face and my own self-loathing.
Sadie.
“How much do you remember?”I ask, turning to give her my attention.Quickly, I visually sweep the room and anticipate today as the day she finally kills me.
Nervous hands wring together when she looks down at them with shame.
“Enough,” she whispers.
Right, because ‘enough’ sums up everything swimming in her restless mind.Not us tussling and breaking things throughout her apartment.Not the fact she knocked me out cold or that threats were made.Just…enough.
I take a moment to reign in the annoyance—not at her, never at her—and push.
“I need you to be more specific.I don’t quite believe that ‘enough’ is adequate for what’s going on.”
Her previous curiosity drains instantaneously, shoulders sagging with a defeated sigh.She’s embarrassed, uncomfortable with what bits and pieces she recalls.Hell, so am I.
“I know she hurt you and I couldn’t stop her.”
The pain in her voice when it trails off has me ready to carve my heart out.I know she can’t help it.She can’t stop her riders from controlling her.
I know, I’m being a dick, but can you blame me?This woman, who’s half my size and age, put me on my ass with one swing.If she had hit me any harder, I’d be looking at God himself, trying to barter my way through the pearly gates, instead of the devastation on her face.
Sadie continues rather than giving me the floor and I have to bite my tongue to keep myself from assuring her that everything is alright—because it’s not.
“I could hear you, but she…she had me trapped.I was locked away without light and there…there were spiders and I…”
Goosebumps explode along her arms with every word—recounting memories that never happened.To her, they did, I get that.She was mentally cast into a dark hole when in reality she was here, destroying our life.
I’ve always believed her, don’t think I haven’t, but when you’re at the receiving end of her violence it makes everything painfully real.When she loses control, she becomes that wild thing I saved years ago.Only this time, she's aware and it’s terrifying.
“You what, Sadie?Have you taken your meds?”
“Yes.”She answers without missing a beat, almost rehearsed.An automatic reply versus facing the fallout.I don’t want her half-truths.She’s good at lying and hiding behind a mask, convincing everyone she’s in good health and in charge.I know better.Warning bells sound every time, but I understand why she’s hiding now—she’s scared.
Lying isn’t goodenough.I need everything or nothing.
