Page 105 of Mortala
I can't help but wince with every hard vibration of tires flying over the bridge's seams.Even the hum of rushing water hundreds of feet below us is a constant loud hiss.While I'm thankful it swallows most of the human car-made noise and mutes the echo, it's still abrasive as everything else.
Built of both concrete and brick, damaged by years of careless drivers, the ledge is all that remains between me and the rushing water below.Here, I cling to it for dear life.What if there's an earthquake and the bridge crumbles under me?Wind?Has anyone ever heard of wind so powerful it rips people off their feet and trees out of the ground?
Just as stubborn as she was, too.She caused waves, instilled fear into men, and terrified those too small minded to receive her.The apple doesn't fall too far from the tree.Especially when the serpent's afoot.
My knuckles turn white as my patience wears to the bone.Wildly, my nails scratch into the abused concrete barrier as I hold back, too close to losing my hit on the casual voice and conversation in my head.
I'm ready to scream when she starts up again.Abandoning the barrier, my hands bury into my choppy hair.First my raw fingers fist, but then they pull the untamed strands, and that’s when I learn a little pain is not enough.I'll do whatever it takes to wrench her out of my skull and throw all three of them over the ledge.Let them drown—stop the torment.
Finally, pain prickles beneath my unforgiving grip as fine hairs are ripped from their follicles.One or two are not enough—I need more.I need to hurt just so I can send her away.
And like you, she's physically weak.She can't control you like the others can, it requires more strength than the universe allows her.So, we have to break you.
W...what?Is...are...no.They can't.
"No."The word dries in the center of my throat.
Yes.You no longer have a choice, child.
Dread anchors me into place.Its crushing weight makes my joints creak and my weak muscles shiver as I stare into the bleak darkness beyond the bridge's light.
Faint twinkles reflect off of the water as it rushes downstream, toward the storm that dumped it on us.Along the belly of the storm, orange light pollution stains them.
"I do.I do have a choice."My conviction is long gone; only awareness reminds me I'm the one who's here, who's living this life in this body.That I have control.
You have nothing.
"You're wrong" I scream until my throat aches."I have Elias.My mom, my dad.I have someone!"
Do you?You're alone, you're misunderstood, you're hated because you're not perfect.
"They've never said that."
To my right, something—rather someone—shifts into view.Near-black hair, fair complexion, and gray eyes I forgot long before I could ever remember.Her band T-shirt, denim shorts, and Chuck Taylors make her look much younger—closer to my age.
"M....Mom."I murmur.
We're nearly ying and yang.Her dark to my light.My gloom to her happiness.She has it all.A husband, a family, stability; a mind that's not going to push her over the edge or demons vying for every bit of her soul.
She's perfect.
Her face angers when she sees me.Disheveled, dirty, skin and bones.
"Clean yourself up, you look like shit."
"D...don't say that.I can't help it.I...Mom.M...make it go away."
"What the fuck are you talking about, Sadie?Do better and your life wouldn't be this way."
The edge of her words splits my bleeding heart wide.
"Y...you don't mean that!"
"I don't?You were the worst thing to ever happen to me.I spent seventeen years behind bars because you chose to implant yourself into my womb.Do you not see what you've done to me?To your father!We're better off without a mouth to medicate.Hell, I never even wanted you!"
It's a lie.Everything she's saying is a lie.But God, her words are hooks stabbing into me, piercing me from the inside out.She's not real, but God if my heart can't tell the difference.
"You're lying!You love me, you came for me when you got out."I plead for her to take back the words as the blistering streaks of tears etch down my ashen face.
