Page 82 of Baby Girl
“You never left me. You were always there. Even when they were gone.”
Her whispered words sound like statements, but I hear the question.
“Never.”
“Why?”
“Because I knew what I wanted.”
The silence is long enough that it’s possible she’s started to fall asleep, but then she inhales deeply.
“Why didn’t they just tell me? Why didn’t you?”
“Because they had their own decisions to make.”
“We could have made the decisions together.”
“There was a lot to consider for them, they had a lot more to lose than I did. They needed the time to decide if you were worth losing it all for.”
She tenses in my arms, and I hear her heavy swallow. “No one is worth that much.”
I kiss the exposed skin behind her ear. “Little dove, you are worth everything. They know that now.”
She doesn’t reply.
And as I fall asleep, I know she is still awake.
Chapter 46
Derek
“That’s great for you, but I haven’t even seen her in over a week,” Hudson grumbles in reply to Xavier’s smug update that Emery allowed him into her room last night.
“Actually, I have an idea about that. How do you feel about doing some modeling for me?” Darcy offers as he takes a seat in one of the mismatched armchairs in Grinder, coffee in hand.“Fully dressed, obviously. I actually only need your arm. Maybe your chest too.”
Once I’m comfortable in my seat, I raise the mug of coffee to my lips and take a sip of my cappuccino. Since transferring Emery’s class to Justin, I’ve had more free time on both Monday and Wednesday mornings, which has meant that I’ve been able to enjoy my coffee within the café, rather than taking it to-go.
Have I hoped for a glimpse of Emery picking up her morning sustenance? Yes. Have I gotten it? No. But I have seen her roommate, Oakley, on multiple occasions. The first few times, she looked like a deer caught in the headlights. But Monday morning, she gave me a wave and I offered a nod.
Her witnessing all of us sitting in the waiting room at the hospital, at one of the most vulnerable points in our lives, and then being the one to tell us we weren’t allowed to see Emery, has created a bond between us. And the fact that she delivered the denial to us with such grace has given her serious brownie points, in my opinion.
Hudson raises an eyebrow at Darcy. “I’m listening.”
“Well, I’d like to get some line work done with her hands. I’ll be having her hold different things, and as much as I’m happy to use my fake hand, I could just as easily swap the prop in for your hand,” he says with a shrug. “We haven’t used any props besides the ropes yet, so she hasn’t been introduced to Bertie. And besides, it might be a good idea to have an extra one of you there if she is going to drop after each session. It was really hard to watch her spiral and not be able to step in the way I normally would.”
Darcy updated all of us last night after he’d delivered Emery home. Even now, the mere recollection of his debrief sends streaks of discomfort down my arms. Our girl is prone to sub drop, and I suspect it is because she flies so high once she letsgo. Which is fucking fantastic for her, but coming back to herself without proper aftercare is bound to be traumatic.
“Your next session is this Saturday, right?”
“Yeah, at about ten. Maybe you could beat her there?”
“Hopefully she doesn’t turn tail and run,” Hudson jokes before taking a sip of his own drink, but I can see the worry that fills his eyes.
Emery seems to be softening toward Xavier and Darcy, and we all know she is beyond mad at me. But Hudson hasn’t had an interaction with her besides his class on Monday. And from his account, she ignored him completely.
Which, in my opinion, is a good sign. If she’s holding on to any anger toward him, I know our girl wouldn’t be able to keep it inside. The fact that her options were to ignore him or have a pleasant interaction, and she chose to ignore him, is telling.
“She still hasn’t read the letter?” I ask Xavier, who shakes his head.
