Page 70 of Baby Girl
When I don’t immediately see a comment from EyesOnYou, I reach out and scroll up the chat to see if I missed anything, but nope. No messages since his first hello. I click on the viewers icon and scroll through the list of active watchers, and he is still there, watching.
It is so weird to think these people watching me study and take notes, do an assignment, whatever, they could be anywhere around the world. Absolutely crazy, if you ask me. Why would anyone want to watch me study? Yucking someone else’s yum isn’t my thing, but I don’t understand this one.
I click out of that menu and figure an hour is enough. My brain is toast, and I’m reclaiming my spot on the couch tonight, regardless of who is out in the main living area or what they might be doing.
“Okay, I’m going to log off for the night. I hope you have a great evening,” I say with an overly bright smile, like I actually give two fucks about all these people, wave, and then hit the End Live button. It takes a few seconds before my screen swaps over to my dashboard.
My eyebrows whizz up into my hairline when I see how much I made in gifts tonight. Just over a thousand SugarLife dollars. Damn.
My phone vibrates with a SugarLife notification, and I click on the banner at the top of the screen, which takes me to my messages.
EyesOnYou:How did it go with your homework? Did you get it all done?
I bite my bottom lip. How honest should I be here? Like, should I tell him that about what happened to me last week? That I was in the hospital? In the past, I’ve said whatever was needed to keep myself as safe as possible, even if my choices were limited and shitty. Safety and survival were my main concerns.
I’m safe and mostly thriving right now, so my answer can be whatever I want it to be. Maybe I could be truthful with this internet stranger. Not like, fully transparent or whatever, but maybe more like someone I can talk to about things. A safe space. And besides, it’s not like I’ll ever meet them in person.
Releasing my lip from between my teeth, I let my thumbs fly over the screen, typing out whatever they like.
Me:It was fine. I’m mostly playing catch-up because I had to take last week off for medical reasons. I’m fine now, just a bit behind.
I chew the skin next to my nail on my index finger while I wait for a reply, which isn’t actually all that long. Several messages from other accounts come through, but I swipe all those notifications away, uninterested in talking to anyone else.
EyesOnYou:I’m happy to hear you are fine now. Is there anything you need?
Me:No, I’m good, thank you. It’s just a wrist thing now. I saw my doctor today, and she said it’s healing well. Only need to wear my brace for the rest of this week.
EyesOnYou:I did notice the brace. It’s good to hear that it is healing well. Do you have any more follow-ups for it?
I pause before I respond, a little alarm going off in my head. Is it odd that they want to know so much about my wrist? Or is this a way to form some sort of connection?
Is there really any harm in sharing the information? If I’m being honest with myself, a part of me wanted to word vomit all over Derek in the car and tell him everything Dr. Everett told me. To make sure someone other than myself was looking after me.
To know that someone else cares.
But I kept my mouth shut and didn’t spill a single word. He already had the opportunity to be in my life, to have unrestrained access to everything about me. But he violated the one boundary I’d given him. My one rule.
So, his all-access pass has been revoked.
My phone vibrates in my hand, and I glance down, realizing I must have zoned out thinking about Derek.
EyesOnYou:Don’t feel that you need to answer if that is too personal a question. I am interested in knowing anything you would like to share, but there is no requirement to share anything. Simply watching you while you complete your schoolwork is enough for me.
I bite my lip. I really want to share with someone. Oakley is back in the dorm now, but she came home during my live stream, and so did Xavier. So, if I go out there and tell her about my wrist, he’ll get the details whether I want him to or not. Which means so will Derek and the others.
EyeOnYou, it is.
Me:No, it’s okay. Sorry, I got distracted for a second there. I have a referral for physio. I have some time between classes tomorrow to make a call to book it. Hopefully the wait isn’t too long.
EyesOnYou:Maybe two weeks or so would be my estimate.
EyesOnYou:I’m glad you are following the doctor’s orders. It shows that you are responsible and capable of looking after yourself.
My throat tightens as I read their last message.
All I’ve ever done is look after myself.
Me:I like to think so *smiley face* I actually have to go now. My roommate is back, and we made plans to hang out together tonight.
