Page 62 of The Laudanum Ladies' Society

‘That doesn’t matter, if you try. Even if it just puts my mind at ease to know that she’s happy with her decision.’

Miriam looked a little more at ease and her smile was a shade warmer than it had been when she arrived. Their eyes met and a melancholic shroud descended on Jenny. She longed to take Miriam’s hand or stroke her cheek, anything to remind her of the relationship they had only just begun. But Miriam looked away, pressing her lips together tightly.

‘I should go.’

‘Stay, please. Finish your tea,’ Jenny said. ‘Now you’re here, I’d like to show you where I live.’

‘So you can show off what a lovely home you have?’ Miriam raised her eyebrows.

‘If you like,’ Jenny said, her shoulders sagging. She rallied. ‘Yes, why not! To show you that however fine it is, the fact that I’d be prepared to leave it for you should tell you how I feel. I did it so that I could be independent,’ Jenny said. ‘How on earth else was I to afford to be independent? I want to be with you.’

‘But I won’t take your rent money if it’s been made on the back of dealing in opium. You know that. And whatever happens, that won’t change. If you really wanted to be with me, you would have done what I asked,’ Miriam added quietly. ‘I believed that you were honest with me. I believed in you.’

Her face creased and tears brimmed in her eyes. It was more than Jenny could bear. She began to tremble.

‘I still believe in us,’ Jenny whispered. ‘I believe we still can be something if only you’ll let me earn your forgiveness.’

Miriam’s throat tightened as she swallowed, and Jenny was certain her words had struck home. She blinked and looked away again.

‘I can’t stay. I told Mrs Godolphin I was going to find news and she’ll be waiting for me. She does care about her employees as well as her lodgers, you know.’

As Jenny showed her to the door, Uncle Conrad walked down the stairs. He stopped at the bottom and regarded both women, before pulling his waistcoat down to cover the gap between his trousers and shirt.

‘Jenny, I didn’t realise you had a visitor. Is this Miss Beadsley, finally come to visit you?’

‘This is Miss Sandler,’ Jenny answered. ‘She’s an artist.’

Uncle Conrad inclined his head slightly towards Miriam.

‘A lady artist. How interesting.’

‘Your niece has told me you are something of an artist yourself. She speaks very highly of your work,’ Miriam said.

Uncle Conrad bowed, looking pleased. ‘Very kind. Very good. How lovely to meet a friend of my niece’s. It’s so rare. Enchantedto meet you, Miss Sandler. If you will excuse me, I have matters to attend to.’

He went into the dining room.

‘Who is Miss Beadsley?’ Miriam asked.

Jenny was pleased to note a hint of sharpness in Miriam’s voice that she hoped might be jealousy, though she was aware she was clutching at any sign that Miriam cared.

‘A fiction I invented so I had an excuse for leaving the house,’ she explained. ‘I told my uncle that I was visiting her in the evenings whenever I went out.’

She paused on the doorstep and held out her hand. Miriam cautiously took it and did not pull away.

‘I’ll go and speak to Mrs Walters as soon as I’m able and we’ll try to find Sally. I swear I won’t let you down. As soon as I hear anything, I’ll send a message. If you won’t admit me yourself.’

Miriam nodded. Her lips moved almost into a smile and Jenny’s heart began to race.

‘I told Mrs Walters that I want nothing more to do with making the tincture, even though it means I will have no income,’ Jenny said, her words tumbling out in a rush.

Miriam’s fingers brushed against Jenny’s wrist briefly then she slipped her hand free. She walked down the steps then turned back.

‘I liked you a lot. My feelings towards you ran very deep even though we hadn’t known each other for very long. That’s why it hurt so much. Perhaps if you help me find Sally, I will start to like you again.’

Jenny had to force herself not to smile at the small hope. Instead, she nodded solemnly. ‘I’ll do what I can to make it up to you.’

She stood in the open doorway until Miriam had turned the corner before going back inside, her mind uneasy with what she needed to do.