Page 43 of Tracked
Burn for him. What a way to put it ... and what a truth it carried, even in our bed of lies.My lips peeled apart, letting my breath whoosh out but leaving the heat stamped in my cheeks.
“Share with him,” she added, the open flat of her palm directing my attention back to my fake boyfriend.
Calder’s face was expressionless, though the rest of him was anything but. The stubble of his beard whispered at the tension underneath, the cords of his neck pulled taut where they moored to his clavicles. Frustration honed every rugged inch of him, from his shoulders to his fingertips, the ends denting the fabric of his pants where it gripped his knees.
“What draws me ...” I repeated slowly.His anatomical encyclopedia of perfect muscles.An easy answer, but not real enough. My gaze caught in Calder’s once more, secured in his bearings, and the answer tumbled unbidden off my tongue. “His intentionality.”
Heat burned through my cheeks, and my heart pounded a mile a minute. “And it’s not a wick, but an anchor that pulls me toward him when things are calm. When they aren’t ... his intentions are always steady.”
To help me. To protect me.To take care of me.Even in the span of the last few days, his every decision fell into this category.
“I can see that,” Dr. Julia murmured, waiting until she had both our attention to continue. “The way you’ve looked to him this entire time is the way a captain seeks the lighthouse anchored to the shore.”
My throat bobbed as I swallowed.For show. It was all for show.
“And, Calder, will you share what draws you to Lara?”
“Her determination,” he replied smoothly.Zero hesitation.
My eyes snapped wide.
“You’re surprised by that, Lara?”
Crap.Whatever he said shouldn’t have mattered, just like he shouldn’t think—could never know—that what I’d said was the truth. But I couldn’t take it back now.
“I . . . yes.”
“Why?”
The best lies were rooted in truth.“Because he doesn’t always agree with all my decisions.”
“Good,” she praised me, her bright white smile flashing briefly. “One of the biggest chains imprisoning our wild core is perceived weaknesses. A weakness can never be completely hidden because they are intrinsic to our wildness, and to free it, we must embrace our vulnerabilities, not only in ourselves but in our partners.”
She turned to Calder.
“Let’s start with you this time, Calder. What do you perceive is your biggest weakness?” she asked, then added, “And remember, this is your safe place for wild honesty.”
Calder grunted, and I didn’t have to feign my interest in his forthcoming answer.What would he think his weakness was? Would he even share something that was true?Probably not. He did this—he deceived—as a part of his job. Why would he hesitate to deceive me?
“My need to be in control.”
My brows popped up. Well, that was certainly true,Mr. Director.
“I see.” Dr. Julia hummed, her attention turning on me for a brief moment, cataloging ... something before she looked back to Calder. “And where does that need come from?”
Calder hesitated, and I caught the single fire of hismasseter. “I’m the oldest of six. Our mom passed away when some of my siblings were pretty young, so I was responsible for them.”
“Very understandable,” she agreed and tilted her head. “But needing to be responsible and needing to be in control are very different things. I need wild honesty, Calder, if this is going to work. What about that event made you need control?”
While she may have been a lot of things, Dr. Julia’s training, her counseling, wasn’t a sham. She’d recognized that Calder was holding back and called him on it. She asked for our honesty and wasn’t afraid to demand it when necessary.
I couldn’t help but glance at him, wondering whether this was where he’d draw the line—if this was where the lies would start.
“My mother was murdered.”
“I’m very sorry about that, Calder. How old were you?”
“Fifteen.”
