Page 184 of Brutal
“No.”
“It is,” she says, fiercer now. “Because I’m not confused. I’m not pretending it didn’t happen.” She gulps, breathing in. “I’m choosing you anyway.”
God, she’s breaking me. I pull her close. She hits my chest and doesn’t pull away.
“You shouldn’t love me,” I say against her.
“I know.”
That almost takes me down. Because she’s not asking me to fix it. She’s not asking me to make it better. She’s choosing it as it is.
Emotion coils through me, everything I’ve been trying to not feel for her but knowing in my heart anyway.
She slides her fingers up my chest and over my shoulder into my hair. She pulls me down, and this time, when our mouths meet, it’s different.
Slower.
Heavier.
She knows what I am. She knows what I did. And we’re here anyway.
I slide my hands over her arms, her waist, back up to her shoulders, her cheeks, as if I need to memorize this moment before it disappears.
And the words I’ve never said to anyone before erupt out of me as I break the kiss.
“I love you too.”
She sighs. “Say it again,” she whispers.
“I love you.”
She closes her eyes, seeming to revel in my confession for a moment, but then opens them. They are no longer soft and gentle and blue-gray. Now they’re a silvery sword, ready for action.
“Now we finish this,” she says, her voice low. “The truth, the setup, all of it.”
I nod.
Because there’s nothing else left.
Because this is what we chose.
Together.
But somewhere underneath it all, I feel something darker settle.
Something I can’t put a word to. Not yet. But whatever it is, I’ll carry it for both of us. Whatever is coming, I won’t let it break her.
Even if it breaks me.
50
DELANEY
I wake slowly, sensation returning before thought does.
The weight of blankets. The faint ache between my thighs. The soreness in my mouth from kissing him too hard, too long. The smell of him in the sheets, on my skin, in the air itself.
For several seconds, I keep my eyes closed.
