Page 26 of Wanting My Husband
I didn’t mean it to sound like a challenge, but some of my jealousy slips into my tone. He shakes his head, all traces of his perfect smile gone. “You don’t get it, do you?”
“Get what?”
He steps closer, staring at my lips as he answers. “The only person I actually want to dance with tonight is you, John.”
I shake my head and sigh. “I saw you in there, Chad, you looked perfectly content without me.”
He takes another step closer, eliminating almost all the space between us as he meets my gaze for a moment before looking back at my mouth. “I saw you watching me. That’s the only reason I kept dancing. I like having your attention on me, John. I just don’t always know how to keep it there.”
He rests his hands on my chest, and I automatically bring mine to his hips, holding him in place. I don’t know what I’m doing. This isn’t Vegas. I haven’t had anything to drink tonight, stupidly thinking it would help me keep my distance from Chad if I were sober, and I don’t think Chad is drunk with how long he’s been on the dance floor.
I don’t have any excuses for why I feel this all-consuming need to touch him, to claim him, to take everything he’s offering me and forget about the consequences.
“Tell me what I need to do to have you, John,” he whispers, breath fanning against my lips. “Anything.”
I don’t think. There’s no conscious decision on my part, but suddenly, I’ve used my hold on Chad’s hips to spin us so I have him backed into the barn, and my lips are crashing into his.
Maybe it’s how uncharacteristically sad he looked, or maybe it was the way he seemed so eager to please me, but I couldn’t stop myself from touching him for even a moment longer.
He immediately melts into my hold, enthusiastically responding to every swipe of my tongue in his mouth, but in no way fighting me for dominance. My entire body feels like a live wire only moments into kissing him.
Everything is too much and not enough all at once. His hands are gripping my shirt now, attempting to pull me impossibly closer, and his already hard dick is grinding into where mythigh is pressed between his legs, holding him exactly how I want him.
This is easily the hottest kiss I’ve ever had, and I would like it to lead to so much more, but as he moans into my mouth—a content happy noise that would seem unauthentically over-the-top and pornographic if I didn’t already know how he sounds whenever he enjoys his food—I’m reminded of exactly what’s happening.
Because this is Chad, and as much as I would deny it out loud, I think I’ve started to know Chad pretty well. And I know this kiss means something to him.
Something I still don’t think I’m capable of offering him.
I immediately regret it as I force myself to pull away from him. The damage is probably already done. I should keep kissing him, keep touching him until he’s screaming my name, and deal with the fallout later.
Maybe he won’t romanticize the situation. And maybe I’ll be completely unaffected when he inevitably realizes I’m not the perfect husband he’s looking for and leaves.
But I think back to his speech about believing in love, about there being someone out there for everyone, about all the people he’s made smile today, and I’m reminded I’m not his person.
If such a thing exists, I was lucky enough to find love once, and he’s gone. Chad is so good. So pure. A source of light and joy and hope. I know it isn’t fair of me to waste his time now when he could be looking for the real thing. “Chad…” I start, unsure how to articulate everything I’m feeling.
“Don’t,” he begs, obviously sensing my hesitation despite the fact that I haven’t been able to step away from him. “Please, just give me one night.”
“I can’t be who you want me to…” I trail off again.
“John, I’m not asking you to be anyone other than you. I don’t want you to change or be something you’re not for me. I want you exactly as you are.”
He sounds so sincere, but that can’t possibly be true. I finally force myself to put distance between us, running my hands through my hair as I turn away from him. “You don’t though. Because I don’t do relationships, Chad, I’ve told you that.”
“Then let’s make an arrangement!” he suggests, throwing his hands out to the side in obvious frustration. “You said you do those. I just want to be with you, John. However you’ll have me!”
I spin back to give him an unamused look. “We can’t ‘make an arrangement’ when we’re already living in the same house and sleeping in the same bed. Adding sex to that is as serious as it gets, Princess.” It fucking kills me that I’m hurting him right now. But I know this is what has to happen. It’ll be better this way. Easier for us both. I take a deep breath, and attempt a gentler tone. “I shouldn’t have kissed you. That wasn’t fair of me. I’m sorry, Chad.”
I storm away before he can protest any further.
Why is it so hard to walk away from him when I know I’m doing the right thing?
Fuck, and I can’t even storm out of the wedding properly because I drove Chad here. The last thing I want to do right now is talk to anyone, but I need to know that Chad will be safe tonight, so I find Ash talking to some people I think are Blake’s friends from the city. “Are you drinking?” I ask, interrupting their conversation.
He turns to me, obviously surprised. “Hey, John. Um, no, I have to drive back to the city in the morning and work tomorrow, so I haven’t been drinking. Why?”
I nod, relieved. “Can you make sure Chad has somewhere safe to sleep tonight? I drove him here, but I need to go.”
