Page 45 of Thorn Kiss
It didn’t help.
I took a cold shower to try to freeze all of the burning, insatiable thoughts.
It didn’t help.
Absolutely nothing could get Madi off my mind.
Finally, I gave in. By the time the sun rose and dusted Whynot in gold, I’d done all of those things plus made a cup of coffee, and then pulled out my floggers and paddles. They all needed a little TLC. Right? It didn’t hurt to pull everything out and make sure they were working just fine.
The cup of Folgers was bitter on my tongue. As was the thought that I was being completely ridiculous. The problem was, my kinky brain was in overdrive since yesterday’s lunch .
I’d even had sex dreams. Completely inappropriate sex dreams.
Talking with Madi about kink while trying not to think about the June Problem had created all sorts of imaginary scenarios in my head.
The problem was my dirty little secret.
Which was that I’d been wanting June for years.
I’d tried not to. I’d done my best to chase her out of my mind and heart. She’d been part of my life for as long as I could remember, and it wasn’t until a couple years ago when I started wanting more.
Long before the stupid cursed kiss.
In this hypothetical unrealistic world where I hadn’t known June her entire life and she didn’t think our kiss was a mistake, maybe the three of us could even be together.
My stupid dreams had us all together thanks to my imagination. Fucker.
Wild, unhinged, feral thoughts that had no business in my head. I was disappointed in myself for even letting them wander that way.
June was afriend. That’s where we were at. Friends. It didn’t matter that I wanted more with her, she’d slammed that door in my face.
Just this morning, I’d already jerked off twice trying to tame the lust too.
Quite literally nothing was helping me. I was at the mercy of my own willpower, and that willpower was crumbling.
I planted my hands on my hips and took a step back, surveying all the toys I’d laid out on my bed. I always took Mondays off, but I was eager to be back in my shop. I felt cooped up.
Debriefing with Austin would help. Not only would it be good to talk through my predicament with him, it would keep him from working today. I considered that a win.
Part of me wanted to sneak off to my shop and work anyway. I could get Madi’s car checked out and figure out what went wrong with her engine. Or I could work on the old Mustang thatone of the Whynot Golden Girls had brought in after running over a barbed wire fence.
Instead, I’d landed on organizing my BDSM equipment and definitelynotGoogling Madi. I’d succeeded in not being a creeper so far, although I was slowly losing the battle against curiosity and the temptation was a vine twisting around my resolve.
My fingertips brushed over my flogger. The scent of leather filled the room and I inhaled sharply, a satisfied hum rumbling in my chest.
Outside of my primal kink, I enjoyed impact play. I enjoyed complete submission. I wanted my partner to trust that I would take care of them.
It was too bad the kink scene in Whynot was nonexistent. All the shit I knew was from my time in bigger cities where I’d actually had the chance to learn about BDSM. I had a few people in my life I could have those conversations with outside of my small town, and was grateful for them.
Austin and I had talked about kink exactly three times. One was when we were both teens and discovered how to look shit up on the internet, and he forgot to clear his search history on the family computer. Of course, I’d done it for him but not before learning that some peoplewanted to be spankedfor fun.
Mateo and I used to talk about kink. But now that he was with my sister, all I could do was fight the urge to glower if it came up. I didn’t even want to think about what nonsense he got into with Avery and Levi, and wanted to keep it that way.
For me, the desire to be a deviant had started early and never went away. I loved sex and had no shame about it. Giving and receiving pleasure was one of my favorite things to do in the world.
And it’d been too long since I’d done that.
The problem with living in a small town was the dating pool included people I’d known for years. Most of them were friends and friends only. Like Evie. Evie was one of the most gorgeous women I’d ever seen, but she was like family.
