Page 78 of The Orchard at Rosevale
He swiped the tears away and her heart swelled with untold emotion for this sensitive man who could’ve made her happy if she hadn’t valued stability so many decades ago.
‘I hadn’t planned on telling you any of this for a while, but I’m too old for games.’ He scooted closer to her. ‘You’ve always been it for me, Fer. No woman has come close. When you dumped me, I was gutted, but I figured it was your loss, I’d meet someone else. So I travelled extensively, doing odd jobs, dating women, but they always fell short …’ He shook his head, his expression guilty. ‘I have a confession to make.’
Great. Just what she needed. Another man with secrets.
‘Working as a picker on your farm ten years ago wasn’t a coincidence. A friend of mine showed me the job advertisement because he still liked to move around a lot and thought it would be fun for us to do a short-term gig for old times’ sake. When I saw the farm’s proprietors were Mac and Ferne Wardlow, I experienced a stab of nostalgia. There aren’t too many women named Ferne, so I researched the farm and realised it was you.’ He held his palms up like he had nothing to hide. ‘That’s how I ended up there. It was planned. I wanted to run into you. Not to disrupt your life, but to see you so I could put you behind me. But then I realised how unhappy you were in your marriage, and while it was wrong of me to want you to leave with me, I couldn’t help but ask.’
Ferne should be flattered that Taj had reciprocated the depth of her feelings to the extent he’d come to the farm for her. She’d never forgotten him, especially when her marriage to Mac had soured and she’d often daydream about ‘what if?’. What if she’d stayed with Taj? What if she’d embraced his nomadic lifestyle? What if she’d followed her heart not her head?
But having Cruz put paid to any yearnings she may have had, because she would’ve given her child the moon and stars if she could. And despite Taj’s actions potentially being classed as romantic, she couldn’t help but feel duped by yet another man she’d trusted.
‘Not that I’m comparing you to Mac or the extent of his secrets, but surely you can understand how I feel when I discover you’ve deceived me too?’
A shadow passed over his face. ‘It was ten years ago, Fer. It has little bearing on us now. I’m done wasting time. I want you to move in with me not only so I can look after you, but because I want a future with you.’
‘After a few days?’
‘It’s been a lifetime for me.’ He took hold of her hand between his. ‘When you know, you know.’
Surprised by his residual feelings and his conviction, she stared at the work-roughened hands clasping hers. She wanted to ask how he could be so sure, when she wasn’t sure of anything these days. With age should come wisdom, but since she’d discovered Mac’s secrets, she’d been adrift, craving freedom but scared of what she might find in the big, bad world.
She’d never felt so untethered and, at seventy, it sucked.
Then there were the financial ramifications. With Taj still doing odd jobs like delivering groceries, if she moved in with him, he could lay claim to her sizeable nest egg in a year once the farm sold. She’d given up any semblance of happiness for that farm; how would she feel if a relationship with Taj didn’t work out again and she lost some of her money?
No, she couldn’t do it. Time to start protecting herself.
But first, she had to ask a question that would help the most important person in her life: her son.
‘I need some time to think, Taj, and at the risk of you labelling me bonkers for a change of topic, are you still close with your uncle in India who imports goods?’
His eyes widened and he released her hand. ‘That’s what you want to talk about after I bare my soul?’
Undeterred, she continued, ‘India is importing avocados at a startling rate, and it would be helpful for Cruz to gain a foothold in the market.’
He stared at her in disbelief. ‘My uncle is dead, but his son has taken over the business. To answer your question, yes, I’d be happy to connect Cruz with him.’
He stood and stalked away, bracing himself on the back of the sofa opposite. ‘My feelings for you mightn’t have changed, but you haven’t changed much either. Still looking out for number one.’
‘What’s that supposed to mean?’
‘We had a good thing going decades ago. We loved each other fiercely, but you thought I wasn’t good enough.’
She opened her mouth to protest but he held up his hand.
‘Do me the courtesy of not lying. You thought I was too poor, too unambitious, too transient, and that’s why you dumped me. But you know something? Just because I didn’t have my life figured out in my twenties didn’t mean I never had plans. All those odd jobs I did? I lived frugally and I invested. Wisely, as it turns out, because now I’m comfortable.’
‘But you’re still working, delivering groceries.’ She hated that it sounded judgemental, like he begged for a living.
‘That’s because I enjoy being hands-on.’ His harsh laugh, devoid of amusement, raised the hair on her arms. ‘I own the delivery company. People living in inner-city Melbourne lead busy lifestyles and get most of their stuff delivered. It’s a booming market and I got in on the ground floor.’
‘You own your house?’ Crap, why couldn’t she stop saying the first thing that popped into her head? She’d managed to hold her tongue for years while married to Mac, yet with Taj, she couldn’t keep her mouth shut.
‘You definitely haven’t changed.’ Disappointment accentuated every line on his face. ‘Money impresses you, which I assume is why you stayed in your appalling marriage. I hope it was worth it, Fer. And I hope you’ll be happy embracing the freedom you so obviously crave.’
As he strode towards the door, the enormity of what she’d done slapped her. She’d flung Taj’s offer of a future back in his face. She’d revealed her doubts in him as a dependable adult by questioning his financial status. She’d dismissed his feelings.
What the hell had she done?
