Page 89 of Chasing the Rush
“Why not this season? We’re not even at the halfway point yet.”
“For now, I’m where I want to be. If ever I don’t feel that way, I promise I’ll do something about it.”
Luca nods and slides his palm to my cheek. “God, I wish I could be with you out in the open now. I get why we can’t, but I want that so badly. He rubs my cheekbone with his thumb. “I want to hold your hand and kiss you in public. And if I get a sack in a game—”
“Whenyou get a sack.”
“I want to be able to rush over to you on the sideline, rip off my helmet, and kiss my woman in front of the whole world. And if someone says, ‘Whoa, Maguire, you look extra happy today,’ I want to be able to say, ‘It’s Chelsea Parker, man. That girl rocks my world.’”
My heart is thrumming. “You know why none of that is possible, right?”
He nods. “Any idea when it will be, though? Can you at least give me a rough estimate?”
I twist my mouth. “Honestly, I’m still trying to figure that out.”
Luca exhales. “Okay, I guess it’s enough for now for you to know I desperately want that stuff with you someday. But don’t worry, I get why that can’t be now. In the meantime, I’ll take you any way I can get you, even if it means I have to continue being your secret boy toy.”
I chuckle. “Myboy toy?”
He winks. “Thinking about things that way will help me have fun in an otherwise sucky situation. And you know what I always say—”
“Please don’t say it.”
“Just this once, since today is a special occasion.”
I sigh and nod.
“Fun is fuel.”
Giggling, I kiss his cheek. “Okay, boy toy it is.”
Luca bites his lip. “Can we agree to revisit the secrecy thing when the season’s over? I can’t eat you out in equipment rooms forever.”
“No?”
“Correction. I can’t eat you outonlyin equipment rooms forever. Sometimes, I want to do it in public, too.”
We both crack up at his joke.
“Okay, once we get to the end of the season,” I concede, “we’ll figure out where we are and what we feel and what should reasonably come next. Fair?”
He looks wary, like something I’ve said has surprised him. “Okay,” he manages, but it’s clear I’ve thrown him for a loop.
What we feel.
Surely, that’s the turn of phrase that made his eyebrows lift sharply like that. But I think it was only fair for me to let him know my feelings for him aren’t totally locked down. He’s hurt me deeply. And while I’m ready to forgive, I’m not yet ready to forget.
When I’ve fantasized about this moment, I’ve imagined Luca confessing his love for me and me returning his sentiment. But now that I’m here, I’m suddenly realizing it’s probably premature for us to take that leap of faith. Can either of us truly be in love if we can’t even hold hands in public yet? It’s that sliver of doubt that makes me want to be a touch more careful with my heart than I’ve been in the past. Slow and steady will win the race this time around. If we do wind up professing our love for each other and going public with our relationship one day, I want to be damned sure I’m totally ready for whatever negative fallout that might bring to my career.
“For now, you’ve got plenty of other things to focus on than holding my hand in public,” I say with a soft, affectionate swipe of Luca’s cheek. “Don’t let anything distract you from your mission.”
“You know they only called me up to play this week as a marketing ploy, right? To hype up a Maguire-on-Maguire smackdown.”
“That’s not true, Luca. You’ve earned this, fair and square. But, hey, if it turns out that was a tiny part of the equation, then so what? However you got here, you’re going to play so well on Sunday, they won’t even think about sending you back down. Especially now that Moriarty’s struggled in two consecutive games, you’ve got a huge opening to turn some heads. You need to maximize this opportunity, no matter what.”
A lopsided grin spreads across Luca’s face. “Yes, Coach.”
I peck his lips and then his cheek. “I’ve got to run to a meeting, and you’ve got to start prepping for Sunday.” I peck him again. “Take Satan down for me twice in the game on Sunday, boy toy, and I’ll fuck you senseless four times—twice for each sack.”
