Page 79 of Chasing the Rush
Luca
“WE LOVE YOUso much, honey,” Mom says, her voice cracking, and everyone on the call echoes her sentiment.
“I’ve got to go now,” I croak out.
When I bolted from Coach Parker’s office a few minutes ago, I headed straight for the not-yet-remodeled section of the facility—the old, shabby part that’s straight out of the eighties—since it’s hardly in use. In short order, I found this old equipment storage room, the place busted tackling dummies and broken training sleds come to die, and locked myself inside it, grateful I’d found a hiding spot where I could call my family and surrender to my emotions in private. Of course, I scoured the room for security cameras, just in case, and when it was obvious the coast was clear, I leaned against a large rack of banged-up helmets and sobbed my eyes out like a toddler.
After a while, once I was finally able to control my emotions, I forced myself to be a good son and brother and call my family, even though talking to anybody about my soul-crushing news, even my family, was the last thing I wanted to do. But now that I’ve delivered the news of my life’s latest failure, I can’t get off this call fast enough.
With a curt goodbye, I disconnect the call, eager to banish all those anguished faces on my screen, and after stuffing myphone into my pocket, I wipe at my wet cheeks and eyes with my T-shirt and breathe deeply to get ahold of myself.
Once I’m not in danger of crying again, I wipe my face one more time and head to the door, eager to make my clean getaway from the facility. God help me, please don’t let anybody see me between here and my rental car in the parking lot.
Slowly, I crack the door open and peek into the hallway.
Chelsea.
Of course.
She’s standing mere feet away, wringing her hands and looking at me with heartbroken eyes. “I saw you go in there,” she whispers. “I just heard the news. Practice squad.” She winces involuntarily at those last words, confirming what I already figured: They’re a massive embarrassment to her.
“Not out here, Chelsea,” I grit out. I duck back into the equipment room, and she follows me and shuts the door behind her with a soft click. After locking the door, she turns around and immediately comes at me with her arms outstretched, telegraphing her intention to wrap me in a warm, pitying hug.
I step back, shaking my head, and in response, Chelsea drops her arms and freezes in place. If I’d made the roster, I would have enthusiastically accepted that hug from Chelsea, and a whole lot more than that tonight. But as it is, I don’t want anyone’s pity. Especially not Chelsea’s. Not after all the time, faith, and talent she poured into me. She believed in me. Depended on me. And I let her down, along with myself.
“Aw, Luca. I know you’re feeling heartbroken. But—”
“Have you talked to Bellamy? I know I didn’t technically make the roster, but maybe—”
“He said the job is going to someone else. Some guy who interned for him last season.” She smiles thinly. “I’m sure he was his top pick all along.”
I’m sure she’s right about that. At the beginning of camp,it seemed like Bellamy was mildly in my corner. But when I started giving Moriarty a run for his money during the preseason, it felt more and more like the general manager wanted me gone for making the huge payday he’d given Moriarty seem like a stupid decision.
“Would you stop dragging your feet about Roman’s analytics guy?” I bark out, suddenly feeling weirdly enraged at her. I’ve nagged her about calling that guy several times, ever since Roman came through with the number for her. But the stubborn girl has continuously refused to make the call. When I assumed I’d make the roster, I didn’t push all that hard, figuring everything would work out in the end. But now that I’m a scrub, what the fuck is she waiting for?
“I’m not going to the Thunderbolts,” she says. “Or anywhere else. At least, for now. Not when we’ve still got so much work to do to get you onto that roster.”
I’m deeply touched to find out this is what she’s thinking about. Though not surprised. But quickly, I remember helping me isn’t in Chelsea’s best interest. On the contrary, I’m a useless anchor around her neck at this point.
“No, Chelsea. I refuse to be the reason you settle for a low-level coaching job you don’t even want, on a team that can’t ever get you where you really want to go. Make the fucking call, and do it today, because I swear to God, if you stay here, I’ll refuse to work with you anyway.”
She flashes me a look that feels equal parts rage and pity. “Okay, first off, don’t tell me what to do, Luca. I’ll make my own decisions. And second off, I’m allowed to have more than one dream, okay? My mother always says life happens in chapters. Well, right now, I’m choosing to live the chapter where I continue doing whatever it takes to get you onto that roster.”
Anger flash-floods me. Shame and embarrassment, too. Why won’t this woman give up on me? She’s too loyal for her own good! Doesn’t she realize I’ll only feel better aboutthis catastrophe, this fiasco of my own making, once Chelsea ditches my ass for good? As painful as that will be, at least then, I’ll stop feeling like I’m dragging her down with me.
“We’re not dead yet, Luca,” Chelsea says with intensity. “If we work extra, extra hard—”
“There’s noweanymore!” I bellow. Saying those horrendous words to her feels like stabbing myself in the heart with a rusty shank, given all I’ve ever wanted is to be a “we” with Chelsea Parker and nobody else. But I love her too much to let her waste another precious ounce of her talent and time on me, when she should be using both to chase her own goddamned dreams.
“You don’t mean that,” Chelsea whispers, her blue eyes blazing. “You’re feeling hurt in this moment, so you’re lashing out.”
“No, my mind is perfectly clear, actually. It’s time for our secret, forbidden fling to be over. It was fun and hot while it lasted, but it’s not going to serve either of us anymore.”
“Luca,” she chokes out. “No.”
“Yes. It’s for the best, Chelsea. Nothing lasts forever, especially something that was always meant to be temporary and totally unserious.”
Chelsea clutches her chest like I’ve shot her, and my heart feels like it’s ripping in two.
