Page 108 of Security and Submission
“Nope.” Yas shook her head. “You forget, I’ve been to the shelter. It’s not just for abused partners. Kids don’t just cut their parents off for nothing and no reason. I talked to one of the shelter therapists about it because I was curious, and she said that going no contact with a parent or both parents is literally one of the most painful things a child could do. Most hang onto that relationship despite extreme emotional damage to themselves. So, if they do go no contact, there’s a reason. And whatever your reason is, it’s none of my business.”
Last time his parents had called, he’d flat-out told her they weren’t supposed to be in each other’s business, and he’d regretted that.
His phone buzzed, and he glanced down, turning his hand so he could see the screen. Voicemail notification. Zeus grimaced. Then he lifted his head and shook out his shoulders.
“Let’s get our desserts,” he said gruffly, not quite able to meet Yas’ eyes. All of this was making him extremely uncomfortable, but he did want to tell her. He did want to explain. “We can talk about it while we eat.”
Tiger leaned against his leg as if to offer some comfort, tail wagging slowly. Zeus reached down to scratch the dog’s head, acknowledging his presence.
“Okay,” Yas said gently. “But you don’t have to if you don’t want to.”
“I know.”
Chapter 38
Zeus
When Zeus bought the house, one of the reasons he’d gotten it had been for the back deck. It was only a few feet off the ground, but it provided a large space for seating as well as a fire pit. The left side had the fire pit, one couch, one love seat, and two armchairs. Since the weather had been warm and not raining, he had the navy-and-cream striped cushions out on all of them. It was too warm for the fire pit.
His grill was on the right side of the deck, along with a few potted plants, including a large rosemary plant he was never going to let his co-workers find out about. He didn’t mind the rotating spice names, but he’d rather not be forever known as Rosemary. Not if he could help it.
Yas paused and looked around the deck and his backyard, which was neatly trimmed with large bushes along the fence. The deck wasn’t high enough to see too much of his neighbors’ yards, though he did glance over at Sarah’s to see if she and Hope were outside. Not tonight. He’d check on them when he took Tiger out after this.
He had a feeling he was going to have some energy to burn off with a walk once he was done telling Yas about his parents.
Following her over to the seating, he sat down beside her on the couch, glad she’d eschewed the armchairs. The couch had more room than the loveseat, but at least he could sit next to her, and he appreciated the bit of space. Being crowded wouldn’t help him, even if she was the person he was crowded against.
Yas took a bite of her chocolate cake and made a happy humming sound, while Zeus dug into his peach melba. For a long minute, they chewed in silence. But Zeus couldn’t put off talking forever. It was probably best to just get it over with, anyway.
“So.” He cleared his throat. “My parents.”
“Are they from around here?” Yas asked softly when the pause stretched on as he groped for the right way to start.
“No. Thankfully. Alabama.” He rolled his shoulders and took another bite of his dessert. The sweet peach, the pastry, the cream… it didn’t fix anything, but it made the moment a little nicer. “Clearly, I didn’t move as far away from them as I could have, but it’s pretty far.”
Taking another bite of her cake, Yas chewed thoughtfully, her silence helping propel him forward with the story. It wasn’t the first time he’d told it, but it was the first time in a while.
“When I was a little kid, I thought I had a pretty normal childhood. It wasn’t until I was six or seven that I realized my mom was being abused, though I didn’t have a word for it. Not yet.” He stared out over his backyard, not looking at Yas, though he could almost feel the surge of her sympathy beside him. “As I got older, he got meaner. It stopped being just words, and he started using his fists. Just on her at first, then on me when I tried to stop him. I was twelve the first time.”
Yas’ hand landed on his thigh. Zeus cleared his throat again, looking down. He could still remember the shock of seeing his father actually punch his mother in the stomach. The way she’d gasped for air, her blue eyes bulging as she doubled over, her hand flying out to grab onto the chair to keep from falling. The way he’d thrown himself between her and his father, yelling at his dad to stop, then gone flying when his dad backhanded him.
Afterward, his dad had stormed out of the house, and his mom had held him on her lap while he’d cried, put an ice pack to his cheek, and softly told him never to do that again.
His dad returned sometime in the night, and when Zeus woke up the next morning, there had been a toy car waiting for him at the breakfast table, next to the fresh bouquet of flowers. Mom had been cooking breakfast, like always. Dad had been grinning and joking. It was almost like Zeus had imagined the whole thing.
It had been another six months before his dad raised his hand to his mom again. Zeus only found out about it because he walked in on his mom icing a large bruise on her side, which she’d blamed on running into a door. At thirteen years old, he’d known that didn’t make sense, and she hadn’t been able to meet his gaze. The next morning, there’d been a large bouquet of flowers on the kitchen table again, and his dad had been in a good mood after being in a foul one for the weeks leading up to it.
“My mom tried to hide it from me, but my dad kept getting worse.” He spoke the words matter-of-factly, almost by rote. “I started hanging around all the time at home because he didn’t usually hit her while I was there. Not until I was in high school, and then… I don’t know. I don’t know what happened.”
Yas squeezed his thigh.
“Did he hit you?” she asked gently.
“Only once before high school,” he said, and winced. “I’m not excusing it because it happened in high school. Just… for some reason, he tried to hide it from me for a long time. But I knew. I think he knew I knew, and that it changed how I saw him, and it started to make him angry because I wasn’t willing to just pretend nothing was happening the way my mom did.”
Rolling his head around his shoulders, Zeus looked down at his dessert again, but he wasn’t sure he could stomach taking another bite. His insides were churning. Fuck. It really had been a long time since he’d talked about this, and with his parents actually calling lately, it was bringing up all sorts of memories and emotions that were causing chaos inside him.
“I was getting bigger in high school, and I think that intimidated him. Especially since I was starting to talk back when he’d say something shitty to my mom. She always tried to shush me, but…” His voice trailed off, and he shrugged. “Eventually, I realized that he’d take it out on her while I was at school or football practice.”
