Page 45 of A Merciless Husband
He lifts his knee, pressing it against my panties and applies just enough pressure to leave me panting as his lips go back to work, nibbling on my ear, kissing down my neck, before wholly devoting himself to my breasts.
By the time he’s done, I’m gasping for air and rocking my hips against his leg, desperately trying to convince him to give memore.
I don’t even notice his hand slipping down until I feel a finger sliding under the lacy white panties I wore for my wedding day. He parts my folds with ease, and I can barely contain myself. My hands grip him, my hips arch up towards his hand. It feels good, but I also want toshowhim just how much he’s affecting me, just how good it feels, how muchmoreI want. If he’s not going to let me touch him, then at least I should put on a good show for him.
He pulls back, studying my face as I lift my hips again. I suddenly feel just that much more under a microscope, the stage lights of perception feeling hot and weighing me down. Hetsksat me, his eyes darting around my face. “You’re performing.” His tone is slightly heavy, and there’s a flicker of hurt in his eyes, but concern is the predominant thing I see. Still, the hurt is what sticks in my head.
I was trying to make him happy, to show him just how much I like him. “If I didn’t, it wouldn’t be…very…much of anything.” I chew on my lip, not sure how else to explain it. I wasn’t all that vocal in bed.
He arches a brow. “So?”
I blink in surprise. “What do you mean,so? It’s part of being a good?—”
He holds up a hand, cutting me off. “Whatever you’re about to say, don’t. It’s not true. I told you before, I want therealyou. If that’s silence, then fine. But something tells me it won’t be. Last time, when I fucked you for half the night, I could tell you were too tired to do much performing after awhile. That’s when I noticed the difference.” He leans in, lips brushing against my nose, my cheek, and down to my lips. “You weren’t silent then. Your little gasps and breathy pants…thoseare what drive me wild, leannán. Not whatever youthinkI want to hear.”
My entire body feels electric at his words, but there’s a mix of shame in there, too. I hadn’t even realized that I’d stopped masking last time. It’d felt too good that I’d lost all sense of reason, including my masking capabilities, apparently. But then, the shame ebbs and shifts into desire. Burning hot and all-consuming, it steals my breath away.
Kerry smirks and shrugs his shoulders. “It seems to me there’s only one thing we can do. Make sure youcan’tperform until you learn you don’t need to.”
My eyebrows raise, feeling dizzy at his vague words. “What does that mean?”
He climbs off of me and disappears into the bathroom. When he returns, he has some soft, silky ribbon attached to handcuffs, and a…
Jesus Christ.Is that a soft, plushy ball-gag? He’s going to remove any ability for me to put on a show, just like he said. I hadn’t realized he meant it literally.
He arches a brow at me. “Interested?”
I should say no. I should tell him this is too much, that I’m fine, that I just won’t perform again. But I’m too tempted by the idea of not even beingableto move or speak, so I can’t do anything but relax and receive it. There’s no need to worry about what he thinks about how I’m reacting if he’s the one who tied me up in the first place.
“Y-yes, I’m interested,” I manage to choke out, feeling tingly all over and a tad lightheaded at even the thought of it.
I’d never given much thought to kinks. Never thought I needed to, it never seemed to apply to me when I was with previous partners. It just seemed like extra work on top of something that was already kind of arduous for me. But this…this was the exactoppositeof that feeling. And it made my head spin.
Kerry doesn’t smirk victoriously or look smug about my acceptance. Instead, he just nods, a small smile on his lips like he’s genuinely happy to have found something that excites me.
His touch is tender as he restrains me to the bedpost. “This isn’t about control, Amy. This is about you being free to let go. I want to make sure that you know this isn’t for or about me, this is aboutyou.So, the moment you’re not enjoying yourself, you tell me. Tap me with your foot or spit out the gag and say something. We’ll stop, reevaluate, and try something different or stop altogether. Do you understand?”
I nod, but he rubs my arms with both of his hands, his intense gaze demanding my attention.
“I need you to say it, leannán. I need to hear from you that you won’t stay silent if something bothers you or you don’t like something. Not just tonight, but every time from now on. Hell, not even in bed. You don’t need to suppress yourself any longer. Ineedyou to trust me enough to tell me. Can you do that for me, sweet girl?”
I take a deep breath and nod, trying to clear my head enough to actually answer him. “Yes. I understand. I’ll tell you if something bothers me or I don’t like it. Sexually and non-sexually.”
He chuckles and lays a hand on my knee, rubbing soft circles into it. “Good. I’m glad. Not just if you don’t like something, but also if you just…prefer something else. Let me in, leannán. Share your mind and every whim with me.”
I’ve never had anyone want that from me before.
If he said this to me when we first met, I wouldn’t have believed him. He evendidsay this kind of thing to me, in bits and pieces. I wrote them off as niceties and things hethoughthe meant, but didn’t really understand what he was saying.
But things are different now. He’s proven himself, taken the time to show me that he actually does want my every need and desire met, even above and beyond what I’m thinking of. He’s dedicated, determined, and focused on pleasing me, in and out of the bedroom. He means business about this. My mind spins with the revelation that someone would actually feel this way.
“It still doesn’t feel fair to me that it’s your wedding night, too, and your needs are getting neglected.” I watch as he slides the handcuffs around my wrists, connecting them to the headboard.
He tugs on the ribbon. “Arms up.” I don’t delay in lifting them, letting him restrain me. It’s an odd feeling, unfamiliar,but strangely pleasant. He settles back down between my legs and sighs. His hands find my knees again, caressing them with a softness that makes goosebumps rise on my skin. “Is it so hard for you to believe that what I need is to seeyourelaxed, satisfied, and happy? No longer fretting over what you’re doing right or wrong? Or if you’re not doingenough?”
I blink up at him. I have absolutely no idea how to respond to that. He might as well have just spoken an entirely different language, because the concept he just presented to me was so foreign that I can’t even comprehend it, really. Why would anyoneneedthat? “I-I don’t understand?—”
“Clearly,” Kerry responds back with a sigh. “Maybe you don’t need to. Maybe I just need to show you.” He leans in and kisses my forehead. “Sometimes things aren’t just about me getting off, leannán. Maybe it’s about more than that. And, even so, maybe Idoget off on seeing you free and unrestrained from the worries that have plagued you your entire life.”
