Page 65 of Travis
“It’s not about tonight. It’s about this arrangement. You being here. It's not working. I'll find you somewhere safe, a location Kindt doesn't know about, somewhere I can set up remote access for your model. But you can't stay here."
She stared at me. I held her gaze even though everything in me wanted to look somewhere else.
"You're kidding."
"I'm not."
"We just ran the most successful operation you've ever had. I made the call that saved it. You said that yourself, two minutes ago." She hadn't raised her voice. She didn't need to. "And now you're telling me to leave."
"It's a security issue. Having someone else in the compound creates vulnerabilities I can't account for."
"Name one."
I couldn't. Of course I couldn’t, because that whole sentiment was complete bullshit.
"Name one vulnerability, Travis. One that exists now that didn't exist before tonight, when the mission went better than any you've ever run."
"This isn't a discussion."
"The hell it isn't. You don't get to send me away because the mission went well. That doesn't make sense. Nothing you're saying makes sense unless there's something you're not telling me."
"There's nothing I'm not telling you."
"Then what the hell are you talking about? Two children are safe right now because of what we did together. So why are you saying us partnering doesn’t work?”
"Because I had a partner in the field before and she died." I stood up, my voice harder than I wanted it to be. "Because Naomi is dead, Sera. And I can't do this again."
Her name landed between us and sat there.
"I know she's dead, Travis. She was my sister."
"Then you understand."
"What I understand is that you kissed me in the gym and you've barely looked at me since."
My hands went still at my sides.
"And now you want me to leave." Her voice was quiet, which was way worse than yelling. "So just say it. Say the actual reason. It's not about security. It's not about the mission. You kissed meand it was a mistake. You don't want me here because you don't want me, and you're too decent to say it, so you're wrapping it in protection."
She held my gaze the entire time. No tears. No tremor in her voice. This was a woman who had practiced being steady through a specific kind of pain until steadiness was all anyone could see.
"I get it,” she continued. “I’ve gotten it my whole life. Naomi was Naomi—beautiful, a top-notch agent, someone who protected our country—and I wasthe other one. The one who never quite measured up.” She paused. Swallowed. "I'm not angry, Travis. I just need you to say it so I can stop."
"Stop what?"
"Hoping I was wrong for once.”
The room went silent. Not the productive silence of two people working, or the careful silence of two people circling something they weren't ready to name. This was the silence after a detonation, when everything that was standing a moment ago isn't anymore.
She thought I didn't want her.
For someone who was so great at seeing patterns, she was fantastically wrong now. She was wrong about me wanting her, and she was wrong about why I'd told her to leave. The real reason was something I'd barely gotten my own head around.
I couldn't explain it to her. I could barely explain it to myself. But that was my problem, and I could deal with it later or not at all.
What I definitely was not going to do was stand here and let her believe she wasn't wanted. If she was going to be wrong about something, it wasn’t going to be something that off the mark.
The steadiness in her face looked like a wall she'd been building her entire life, and I could see exactly what holding it upwas costing her. She thought she was unwanted. That I thought of her as the lesser sister.
