Page 50 of Nowhere to Run
She shook her head as the tears fell.
“Because I was a minor, they insisted on contacting my uncle.I refused to give them his information and tried to leave.The baby came before I could.They helped deliver the baby, but kept insisting that they needed to contact my parent or guardian.”
I reached out and held her hand, feeling her pain as she continued telling the story.
“I still remember holding my baby.I remember how beautiful her eyes were and how dark her hair was.She looked just like how I looked in my baby pictures.”
“I bet she was the most beautiful baby,” I said quietly.
Jo nodded, taking in a shuddered breath.
“She was.She was perfect in every way.”
“What happened to her?”
Jo swallowed hard and wiped the tears from her face.
“I knew that because I was a minor, they were not going to let me leave with her.But I also knew that my uncle wouldn’t take care of her.I didn’t want her to be involved in the kind of life I was stuck in.I wanted more for her, even if I wasn’t the one who gave it to her.So, when they weren’t looking, I snuck out of the clinic and never looked back.”
She tried to smile, but it fell flat, her face filled with sadness.
“I dream of her often,” Jo continued.“Every single dream, I try to keep her, but they won’t let me.They punish me for all of the things I’ve done wrong in life.But I never stop trying to get her back, and then I wake up remembering the day I walked away from her.”
“You did what you had to,” I said softly.“No one can blame you for doing what you had to do to protect yourself as well as your baby.You’re an incredible person, Jo.It was an impossible choice, and you did the right thing by putting your needs aside to do what was best for your child.”
“I think about her all the time.I wonder who she is and what she looks like.I pray that she is loved dearly and that she’s had a great life.And even though it’s stupid, I constantly hold onto the hope that someday I’ll find her and that I’ll have the chance to tell her what happened.That I’ll be able to tell her that she wasalwayswanted and that if I would have had any other options, I would haveneverwalked away from her.”
“Have you tried looking her up?”I asked, even though I knew her luck with that would be like finding a needle in a haystack.
“No,” she said with a shake of her head.“I don’t know where I would even start.It was fifteen years ago, and so much has changed, especially with record-keeping.Besides, even if I did find her, it’s not like she’s going to want anything to do with the woman who abandoned her as a baby.The only thing I ever gave her was a piece of paper I found in the room and scribbled a note that said,"Sweet Kaitlyn, I will love you forever.”I’m sure whoever found it threw it away, so it’s not like she even has that anymore.”
“You did what you had to,” I reminded her, squeezing her hand gently.“I can’t even begin to imagine how hard that was for you.”
“It’s what made me want to be a nurse.I remember the kindness that I was given when they helped me deliver my baby, even though I refused to give them any information about who I was.They didn’t judge me for being a teen mom; they just helped me.And deep down, sometimes I wonder if my doctor looked the other way when I left.It seemed almost too easy, and there was an abnormally long window when they were all busy on the other side of the clinic, leaving my room unattended.I made sure the baby was okay before I left and prayed that they would be back soon to look after her.”
“It sounds like someone was looking out for you, even if you didn’t see it then.”
“I agree.It’s why I do what I do.I love working at the clinic with Dr.Foster because I have the opportunity to help where it’s needed without always having to follow the rules.Sometimes, rules are meant to be broken.I would rather be a safe space for someone who needs medical help than to abide by what society thinks I should do.”
“That’s why you’re such an incredible person,” I said, pulling her into my side and hugging her.“Thank you for sharing that with me.”
“Thank you for listening and not judging me.”She looked up at me with a softness in her eyes that I hadn’t seen in a while.
“I’ll never judge you, Jo.You’re safe with me.”
