Page 122 of Make Us Yours
“I’m gonna head to my room, it’s late and I’m exhausted. You two get some sleep as well,” he says quietly.
“Gabe… you don’t have to leave. I don’t care about your nightmares.” I stretch my hand out and grab his. “Just stay…”
I know he still gets them, despite having gotten rid of his parents’ blackmailing threats. It doesn’t happen every night, but on the nights it does, I hear him through the walls. I hear him screaming and crying in agony. It rips my heart to pieces, and all I want to do is run to him, to help him. All I want to do is save him from those demons that still haunt his mind.
But Noah stops me every time, telling me that he’ll be okay and it’ll soon be over. So instead of going to him, I spend the next hour awake, listening to his cries until they finally stop and I know the nightmare is over. Then I fall back asleep, wishing I could help him somehow…
“I can’t, Vixen…”
Tears well in my eyes at his words. I don’t want this to be our life. I don’t want him to have to sleep in a separate bed when we should be together. I want to fall asleep next to him and wake up in his arms, the same way I do with Noah. I want us to talk for hours until exhaustion takes over and kiss the second we open our eyes in the morning.
Gabe crouches down beside the bed, gliding his fingers through my hair. “No, baby. Please don’t be sad. I want to stay, believe me. There’s nothing I want more than to spend the night with you at my side. But it’s better this way. Safer.” He kisses my forehead, then my lips. “I’ll work on it, okay? Just be patient with me. Can you do that?”
“Okay,” I say softly.
“I promise, I’ll get a handle on it. I’ll figure something out.” He kisses me once more and stands, his hand falling from my hair. “Goodnight, my beautiful girl.” He nods to Noah, turns, and leaves, closing the door quietly behind him.
Noah doesn’t say a word as he turns off the bedside lamps, then pulls my body to his. My front to his side as I rest my head on his chest, his fingers smoothing down my hair. “I hate this, Noh. It doesn’t feel fair.”
“I know, Kitten. It isn’t, but there’s not much we can do,” he murmurs against my head before kissing my crown.
“Maybe he could see a therapist or something… I’m sure someone knows what to do.” I let my finger trail the grooves of his abs as my mind thinks of ways to help Gabe.
“He’s already seen a couple and doesn’t want to do that anymore. We can’t force him.”
“But this isn’t how it’s supposed to be. We’re supposed to be all in it together, the three of us. Him not sleeping in the same bed ever feels like we’re excluding him, and it makes me feel guilty.”
“I know, my love. I know.” We fall silent for a moment, both of us lost in our own thoughts until eventually he speaks again in a pained voice. “You do realize that we won’t be able to have everything, don’t you?”
His question startles me a bit. I lift my head from his chest, peering at the outline of his face until my eyes connect with his. It’s dark, but within a few seconds I can make him out. “What do you mean?”
“This kind of relationship comes with complications a normal one wouldn’t have. Things we probably should have talked about before getting seriously involved.” He brushes his knuckles over my cheekbone.
I frown, a dreadful sense settling in my belly. “Like what?” I whisper.
“Like the fact that we’ll never be able to marry you, at least not both of us. Which means one of us will be left out.”
“We don’t have to get married. I don’t need a wedding or anything,” I say quickly.
He smiles and kisses my forehead. “But then you’d never carry our name. And what about kids? Whose name do we put on the birth certificate? And date nights? Do we each take our turn or go all together? You know people will talk and judge. The media will have a field day with that when our relationship comes to light.”
What the hell is going on? Why is he saying all these things now? Like he’s rethinking everything that’s happening between us.
I sit up in bed, bringing my knees to my chest as I face him, feeling the emotions slowly making their way back up. “Why are you talking like you regret it? Like you regret being in this relationship?” I blink away the tears, but one manages to slip out.
I’m finally ready to admit my feelings for them, finally ready to let myself love them to the fullest. And now he’s pulling away? I don’t get it.
He quickly sits up against the headboard and wipes my tear away. “No, Kitten. I don’t regret it for a second, I could never. I love what we have, it’s all I ever wanted. I just want to make sure you know and understand what you are signing up for.” He gathers me in his arms and sets me down sideways over his lap.
“I don’t want you to end up miserable five years down the road, because things won’t be easy. Because no matter how hard we try, Gabe and I won’t always be able to give you what you want,” he whispers, fingers gliding through my hair.
“Because sometimes we’ll have to compromise and make decisions that will leave someone out. Because even five, ten years down the line, people will still judge our relationship. But not only us, our kids too.” He tightens his hold around me, pressing his lips to my temple for a long time.
“I just want you to take the time to think about all of that, if it’s really what you want. I don’t want to be the reason your dreams don’t come true, and I know Ellis wouldn’t want that either. Even if it means letting you go.”
I move around, straddling his thighs completely naked, and grab his face between my palms. “Stop, just stop. You think I haven’t thought about this? Because I have, Noah. I don’t care if I never get married. I don’t care if I never wear your name or Gabe’s. I don’t care whose name is on the damn certificate, as long as our children have both your last names attached to theirs and call you bothDad.”
“Veronica…”
