Page 83 of Dangerous Promises

"I woke up, and I see Anton. I see Freddie. Versions of them at least. But I don't see you. Not anymore. There is a wedge between us, and I don't like it."

"I don't know what to say," I admit. But my heart beat accelerates and my forehead beads with sweat. Now is a perfect time to tell him exactly who I've become and what I've been doing. To do what Alexei said and convince him that this truce is necessary. In fact, he's giving me the perfect opening to come clean. But I freeze up.

If Dad did know me and what I've done, would he even like me anymore?

Dad's face softens and I know he sees right through me. "It's more than that." He smiles gently, almost to himself. "You'll always be my little girl. But there is something harsher about you now. I can see it. I can sense it." He raises his brow on the last part.

I open my mouth as I search the sky for answers that I don't have.

"Don't answer," Dad says, tone trying to be gentle, but going harsher anyway. "It's him, isn't it?" My heart skips as stormy gray eyes flash into my mind. "Nicholas."

My whole body feels like it drops with that name.

I... I thought he was talking about-

My eyes water of their own volition.

"You loved him." Dad states this as matter of fact, even as he smacks his lips in distaste. "And he loved you?"

I nod my head, biting my lip to stop errant tears from falling.

"Nicholas," he laughs, almost at the wind while he pushes his tongue into his cheek. He turns to me. "He should've known I'd chop his co-," he stops himself, "well - he just, he should've known I'd have done unspeakable things to him if he ever laid a hand on you."

I laugh, even as tears start to spill from my eyes.

"I miss him," I admit, on a whisper.

Dad nods. "Yes," he says. "We all do. The change I see in you. It's grief?"

I nod furiously. Yep. It's grief.

"It's something else, too?" he presses, raising his brow at me.

"Grief can change a person." God, I'm such a fucking wimp. Pathetic, scaredy-cat. Fuck's sake. I could just tell him. I could just own it.

So why don't I?

"Definitely," he agrees. "But that's not what I see."

I shrug. And chicken out completely. The distance between us grows with every lie I add.

"Fine," Dad says. "I understand." He picks up the paper and continues to read. All while I sit there like a little girl who has been relegated to the time-out corner.

"You're dismissed now, Sage."

I stand up slowly, my heart getting left behind at that table. As I walk away, watching Dad while he doesn't pay any further attention to me, I realize I've broken something else fundamental now.

Every step I take away from that table, is another gap I bridge further with my father.

"Ahem."

I look over my shoulder and see Angie standing in the doorway. I sigh. Knowing she's here for me. She always is.

"I hope this isn't a bad time," Angie says, incredibly insincerely, as I walk her through the house to the library.

"It's always a bad time," I say earnestly, as I shut the double doors behind us and lead her over to a table by the window. She sits and relaxes in the chair. I will always envy her ability to make a space look like it is made just for her.

I know I can't emulate that and so I don't try.