Page 97 of Burn Her They Said
“Well, I am happy to report your heartbeat is much stronger now.” Cirrin’s eyes fill with mischief as his gaze drifts from me over to Varic.
“Any idea as to why I can’t seem to pull on my mental wards if I am ‘so well-practiced’ anytime I am awake and in your presence?” I ask, in a futile attempt at diverting attention away from Cirrin’s observation, when Varic rolls his lips inward, and I regret ever asking as his eyes twinkle with some scheme he must be concocting while he prepares an answer for me.
“I seem to recall how you enjoy referring to me as your distraction.”
My jaw drops, and I raise a hand to swat at his chest without intent, yet something warm and comforting unfurls in my own when the corner of his mouth lifts in amusement.
“What do you notice when you’re mentally warding?” Varic asks, effectively practicing the definition of the term I’ve attributed to him, drawing my attention with the movement of his fingers releasing the top button of his uniform.
“I don’t know what you mean,” I say honestly, earning a small smile from him as he works his way down the row of buttons securing the front of his uniform.
“What does it feel like when you pull on the wards?”
Twisting my lips to the side, I try to think how to best explain. “Like there is a wall inside my mind which I am able to hide behind. Or a veil which drops down between me and the world, or sometimes it simply softens the emotions I’m detecting from others. Other times it’s more like a giant steel door I can slide into place, then lock to make sure nothing else can get in.”
Brows furrowed, he asks, “And you figured out how to do all of this on your own?”
“No. My grandmother—” I pause long enough to pinch my eyes shut before uttering the correct term for what she was at the time. “My mentor taught me.”
“Did you just say your grandmother?” he asks.
“Yes.” I release a breath. “Emperor Aldrich assigned my maternal grandmother as my mentor, knowing he could trust her to follow his orders—which had nothing to do with my bloodline, as one might expect.” He quirks a brow so I explain. “She had been one of his most loyal spies. The best at keeping his secrets and extracting such from others in order to uphold his power with the kind of information I imagine would turn the strongest of stomachs.”
“I’m surprised he allowed you to have a mentor who would be kinder?—”
“Ha!” I cut him off with a laugh. “No. If anything, my grandmother was selected because the Emperor was confident her penchant for cruelty far surpassed his own.”
Varic’s eyes darken as he seems to consider what I’ve said, rising to pry the top of his uniform from his shoulders, leaving his fitted black undershirt on.
“She was cruel to you, yet she taught you this protective skill requiring the use of unsanctioned magic.” His voice is thoughtful, pulling me with him as I never considered it the same.
“She never mentioned it was another form of magic, and since I never had reason to discuss the practice with anyone aside from her, I assumed she was teaching me to block my emotions and the feelings of others with the same power all witches are made to practice.”
“How was it protective for her mentor to teach her this?” Cirrin asks.
“Your grandmother was clearly a risk taker,” Varic says, addressing me while answering Cirrin’s query. “As she must have had experience practicing this herself to know how to teach you. The question remains as to how she was able to do so without detection, and why she chose to teach you the same. Meaning, she must have had some way of knowing your use of force magic would be undetectable, and she had the intuition to teach you a skill which could prevent you from overexerting yourself with all you would be required to do in mitigating the Emperor’s mood. This is assuming you were young when she began your training, based on the level of ability you seem to possess.”
Nodding, I consider this and begin rewriting my history with his unexpected revision.
“She began almost immediately, so I would have still been six years old.”
His eyes widen with the unnatural brightness returning, striking my heart every time they flit to mine. “Fuck. That’s—your grandmother was certainly bold, and she must have trusted you beyond a shadow of a doubt, because there are myriad reasons we are made to wait until we are much older?—”
“How much older?”
He sways his head to each side, conveying his concentration. “Usually around fourteen, though some of us are permitted to begin training in mental warding as young as twelve.”
“Great, one more thing to set me apart from my peers, with having excelled at this skill earlier than usual.”
“What peers?” Lars asks, as I turn and pin him with a glare. He quirks a brow. “What? It’s no secret you didn’t have any.”
I force out a huff of breath and turn back to Varic. “So what does this mean?”
“We need time to test your abilities in a controlled environment before you try anything.”
I can’t help but scoff. “Even though I have more years of practice and a higher proficiency, you are the one to determine how and when I utilize it?”
“The skill you claim to be unable to use in my presence, while also somehow doing something no being is known to be capable of while unconscious?” Varic juts his chin out in emphasis. “Yes. Since you attempting to use force magic without knowing why it behaves differently is a huge risk to your safety and ours, I insist we wait until we can learn more without causing anyone harm.”
