Page 39 of Burn Her They Said
“How, with the support of those who have been through the same, and with time, the sorrow can become more bearable. How we can learn to live through the despair, rather than stay trapped within it.”
His hand grips the dip of my waist as he braces me for what he’s about to say next. “You helped me to recognize when you truly believe that all is lost—when it feels as if nothing really matters, nor could it ever matter again, and when you can no longer think of a single reason to take another breath—someone who truly knows what it is like to survive the same can storm into your life and prove you utterly and completely wrong about everything.”
An unfamiliar elixir infiltrates my veins while the comfort he shares with me creates a tangle of blues and greens which stir in my chest, healing the knicks and scrapes belonging to old, unknown wounds.
This safety he brings is a reminder of why I have been forbidden to ever love someone. Because this feeling is distracting and much too dangerous with the immeasurable responsibility placed upon my shoulders, requiring me to have excellent focus. And if I think I feel guilty after the death of one of my Guards, how terrible would it be to make even worse mistakes were I to experience this level of distraction with any regularity. My eyes shift to the wooden doors, widening with the thought of His Majesty barging in to find them all comforting me like this.
“No one is coming,” Malin says. “I will alert you before anyone arrives.”
Varic squeezes where he holds my waist, yet my eyes refuse to either lift or focus.
“None of us knew the level of threat. No one expected Hendry to—” His voice trails off, and he provides me solace with the four pulses he presses into my flesh.
My stomach flips when he surprises me by releasing his hold to turn and climb up and over the mattress until he settles in a seated position against the headboard. He wraps his arms around my front, and I help him lift my weight as he pulls my back flush with his chest in one swift motion.
The rest of my Guards step back and away, giving us space as they witness me slinking down until my bones still and I can focus on the pace of his breathing.
Varic lifts his chin, indicating something to the rest of my protectors, who each respond by tapping their ring finger to their thumb two times, constricting my chest as they have clearly taught him their way of non-verbally communicating. For me.
“Here,” Varic says, bracing me against him as he shifts us back to sit against the headboard, allowing me to rest in the center of his chest where the steady beat of his heart is significantly slower than my own.
His hand spreads over my ribs, apparently noticing how heavily my pulse is pounding as he leans down to whisper, “I won’t let anyone find us like this, if that is what concerns you.”
I turn to find his eyes, heart constricting at the compassion he exudes for me. “I can block the door long enough to keep anyone from entering, if that is what you need, mei waella.”
Even his term of affection for me cannot staunch the fear from squeezing, since anyone who tried to enter would know exactly what he was doing.
“What has he done to make you this afraid of being held after experiencing such a terrible tragedy? We are both fully dressed, sitting on top of the covers, while surrounded by your Guards.”
Fray lets out a heavy breath from where he stands between the windows and the headboard.
“You seem to have an opinion,” Varic says. “Let’s hear it.”
Fray’s eyes find mine as I try to explain. “It’s…he—” I can’t bring myself to say it.
Varic’s muscles go rigid, tightening his hold on me as he drops his chin, scattering sparks across my skin from the feel of his lips pressing onto the top of my head. “It’s okay. You don’t have to say it. I can guess, and my fear is that it could be worse than anything I am imagining.”
It is. So much worse, and I will not burden you with his cruelty. Not if I can avoid it.
His acknowledgement lessens the prickly sensation, allowing me to settle, wrapped up in him as I greedily breathe in his scent.
“And I highly doubt they suspect we would convince your Guards to remain in here while you and I snuck off to the closet for a tryst; otherwise, His Majesty would never consider appointing me?—”
An odd straining sensation takes over when I ask him, “Appoint you to what, Varic?”
His breath cascades down my shoulder, tousling my hair and tickling the side of my neck.
“Do you think it is in your best interest for us to discuss what we have probably all come to realize as far as how the Emperor is most likely to respond to tonight’s attack?” Varic says, so carefully avoiding specifics out of respect for me and my feelings.
“I don’t think I can,” I whisper, though my response is so vague I worry he might misunderstand the meaning.
“Then we will wait,” he says. “Because if I understand correctly, he will announce the sorcerer he will be appointing in a toast given during a celebratory dinner.”
The thought of anything celebratory after Hendry’s gruesome death makes my blood thicken, pounding inside my mind with an ominous thrum. Yet Varic’s unrelenting kindness and consideration in this moment outweigh the rest as my body settles into him, and my chest blooms with every color I know of to convey a sense of gratitude.
“Thank you,” I whisper, turning toward his ear so he might hear me better.
“What for?”
