Page 213 of Burn Her They Said
He tilts to peer up at me, and the heat in his gaze conjures the shame I received from His Majesty’s disappointment in me. Because if I were stronger, I would turn away from him. I would stride to the carriage and climb inside. I would play the Emperor’s game, as commanded.
But I am not strong. Not when it comes to Varic. So I do as he bids.
I look my weakness in the eye and break my own heart, because his unnatural brightness no longer shines from behind his irises.
Chapter Seventy-Three
Goodbye
“Tasch,” Varic’s voice is strained as he crawls to me across the white gravel driveway.
“Varic,” I admonish, while scanning each of the carriage windows, only to release a breath when every curtain is drawn so no one can see out. “What are you doing?”
His knees carve a trail through the white bits of stone, while my eyes dart back and forth between the Emperor's carriage and Varic. Malin’s magic chains Ivo and Danor, who face in the opposite direction where they sit atop His Majesty’s, while Cirrin’s power holds strong with each Guard and driver still deep in slumber.
Yet the sorcerer crawling closer seems to notice none of this when his arms wrap around my waist to pull me in. He burrows his unusually cool cheek into the soft skin of my stomach, which is fully bared to him with the cut of this dress. His chest heaves against me as he sends waves of adoration and comfort, holding me when he shouldn’t.
“I’m so fucking sorry, Tasch.” His voice breaks, and I can’t help but thread my fingers through his hair, showing him I understand by mimicking the motion I so often observe him do.
Until the need to see him grows too great, I tug on his hair with just enough pressure that he relents, and I release a breath when the spark in his eyes glints back.
He leans further before rising to stand, then shares his warmth by placing his hands over my arms. “I should never have left you. I promise not to do so again. Not if I can help it.”
I lean in as he guides me to the carriage. The one which will return us to a life I no longer recognize. Not after a line has been crossed, of which the consequences are sure to be cataclysmic.
“You have nothing to apologize for, Varic.”
“I made you worry about me. I can apologize for that, at least.”
Purple mist pulls our attention to the carriage, where it curves down to open the door for us. Varic takes my hand and moves to aid me in entering the coach when his face falls as he stares at the crescent shapes piercing my palms. “Tasch.” His tone is all the admonishment I need to look down and away. “I’m so sorry I did this to you.”
“You didn’t—” I begin, but he shakes his head with the warmth of his fingers splaying out over the small of my back, silently ushering me up the stairs as the heat recedes within his palms to imbue me with healing. The crescent shapes disappear from my skin as I hold them out to show him with a quirk of my brow. I prepare to chastise him for doing so after the amount of energy he must have expended to defend us against the Emperor.
Instead, I take my seat and turn to Cirrin. “Will you please heal Varic first?”
Cirrin nods with a smile curving along the corners of his mouth, while Varic parts his lips as if he means to protest, though he nods to accept as he takes the seat next to me on the bench. Every nerve in my body sparks as we share a look containing just how much has changed since we last sat here. With no more denying what Varic means to me now that I have defended him against our ruler.
Cirrin’s pale blue magic emanates from him to flow into Varic’s chest. Then the plume of healing covers me next. A slow breath seeps from me when it fills my body with an effervescent feeling, though I’m still so tired I could fall asleep standing.
The Emperor bangs on the roof of his carriage, and Cirrin lets out a sigh as he peers out the window behind me.
“Guess I should wake them.” Blue swirls of his magic cast outward to each of the grooms and Guards.
I turn to look toward the Emperor’s coach, where Danor and the groom beside him yawn and stretch before glancing around in confusion.
A knock comes from the decoy carriage next, prompting the groom to alert the horses. The wheels turn slowly over the gravel as I listen to their descent down the long driveway.
“When are we—” Fray starts, when I hold up a hand to halt him, then nod to Drusilla.
“Think you can help her sleep?” Varic raises his brow at Cirrin before tilting his head to indicate my attendant.
Cirrin nods, and I stare between them, having only been a matter of days since Varic seemed uncomfortable with me requesting this same action.
Unease builds in my stomach, though this isn’t the time for a moral quandary.
Guilt can consume me some other time. Right now, we survive.
Light blue fog swirls around my attendant and her eyes drift closed from Cirrin’s magic.
