Page 174 of Burn Her They Said
A creeping, crawling sensation works up my back from the prickle of Lorn and Wyrth’s attention as they stare over from separate corners.
The Emperor gives up his search and turns to take hold of the goblet from the side table. He tips it back to empty the last of the remaining wine before raising a pamphlet of some sort up to his face. “Well?” he asks, never lifting his eyes anywhere near my own.
I stifle a yawn and tread closer, preparing to waste my magic on a sorcerer who seems anything but ready for slumber. Anger from countless nights I’ve been made to do this exact thing—manipulating his mood to aid him in fading into sleep—floods me with grief. Which isn’t helping as I try to maintain focus so I might get this over with.
He offers his wrist, and I circle my fingers around the white, crepey skin spotted with liver marks and tighten my grip around the ropey veins. My magic unfurls from me to send tendrils of blue made up of calm, peace, and serenity down my limb to slither inside him. I force more to enter his form until his muscles slacken and his eyelids grow heavy, bringing my own down with him until his cough startles me to sudden alertness, and I pull in a deep breath to imbue him with more.
Energy pulses between Cirrin’s hand and my shoulder as my compassionate healer contributes his power. Tears spring to my eyes with gratitude, though I withhold the small smile I wish to share with Cirrin when His Majesty drops the paper from his grip as he drifts into slumber—aided in the end by the one who so frequently ushers me into sleep.
Cirrin continues to support me as much as he can, though healing my body only helps so much when it is my soul that is weary and tired.
The walk back is covered in a haze, and bits and pieces of memory drift along with my consciousness now that we have reached the guest suite.
Varic’s warm hands help to guide me to the bed, and the comfort brought by his presence is a balm as he assists me with settling beneath the covers.
I release a breath as a memory from only a moment ago crosses my mind?—
Varic’s amber magic helps to carry me through the halls from the Emperor's suite to this one. His power lifts and supports my drifting form, just like it had before.
While the rest of my Guards have taken care of me to a varying degree, this evening feels different, like the changing of seasons, which can be sensed in the air.
The consideration my Guards have shown me tugs at something. These sorcerers, who contain vast amounts of knowledge and power between them, while their role is to keep me alive. Yet they tend to me as if I am something precious. Allowing me to fall asleep with the unfamiliar feeling of being treasured for something other than my service.
Valued in a way I’ve never fully felt before, and having nothing to do with my power.
Chapter Sixty-One
Lessons
I release a yawn and stretch with my pulse pounding heavier than usual upon waking, apparently feeling more anxious than I would have guessed with the prospect of learning to ride a horse under Varic’s attention. My hand finds its way under the pillow, and I pause when my knuckles brush against something small and pointed.
My eyes flare open to find Varic staring down at me. Warmth unfurls in my chest at the way he bites his bottom lip, and the lines around his eyes crinkle with amusement as I pull the folded piece of paper from its hiding place. Pale golden light streams in through the sheer curtains, and the corners of my mouth rise as I assume it must have been Varic who folded the paper to resemble a Dragon. A shape which I carefully undo before pulling in a deep breath to read?—
Mei Waella,
Since we may not get the chance to speak, I wanted to write you to apologize for the intensity with which I approached you last night. And while I meant every word, I should be a safe place for you to land, not the earth quaking underfoot and rattling you more.
When I made the vow, I never imagined you would be treated as terribly as you have been, nor that I would be so incapable of coping when it happens. You shouldn’t have to endure all you are made to, and it is entirely unfair that you have to be stronger than anyone should.
With that being said, I cannot expect you to support my needs, regardless of how hard I find it to wait until we can extract you. I am hopeful that you might recall how there were times when you once leaned on me—and please don’t glower at me for saying you may have even needed me in those moments. Because the only way I was able to achieve any level of healing was through your example. By how you opened up to me, even when it seemed terrifying. You were so brave for me, all so that I might learn to be the same.
You have helped me to recognize our connection was never one-sided, and while I do not want to need you to do anything for me, I am apparently needier than I’d like, especially when it comes to you and your safety.
Then when you said I do not burden you—and that I am not a burden to you—it changed something in me. Those words and the meaning you infused repaired some part of me I didn’t know was broken. I cannot name it. I just know how it felt, and while it scares me because I do not know what this means going forward, it felt both right and good.
I had intended for this to be a short note, yet before I end this now lengthy letter, I need you to know—you are not a burden to me either, Tasch. And you never could be.
When it comes to our plan, please know I recognize and understand your fears as well as I can, and even then, I implore you to trust me. To trust us. Because if I have not proven I would do anything in my power to make you as safe and as happy as I am capable, then it is the biggest failure of my life.
I cannot lose you. I will not lose you.
Now let’s make sure you don’t fall off a horse today.
Wei Lueb,
V
Heat spreads across my chest as that increasingly familiar feeling unfurls within—the one tinged with Varic’s signature, as his gaze is clearly trained on me. Purple mist creeps across my lap to pry the paper from my grip, lifting the awkwardly folded letter through the air as I lunge for it, as if I can save Varic’s words from being incinerated the moment Malin’s magic drops them into the fireplace.
