Page 102 of Burn Her They Said
His expression lifts, celebrating this victory in my confirmation of just how much I want him, while being utterly forbidden from truly having him. Fucking everything up. Doing exactly what I promised I wouldn’t—encouraging his infatuation while selfishly reveling in the reprieve from the tension.
Yet any sense of calm will not last. Not when the shame of behaving the same way as my captor spirals up from my stomach as I once again use Varic to meet my own desires, despite the consequences to his being.
“If I could just—” I pause, because I shouldn’t ask this. But something inside me screams with the need to touch him, and I give in. “I think if you were to hold my hand, it might help me settle.”
He grabs hold of the hand closest to him faster than expected, enveloping my chilled fingers within his warmth. My heart squeezes with the rough feel of his callouses brushing over my palm as he presses four pulses into the pad just below my thumb. My eyes fall closed with the comfort of his touch soothing me alone, though my cheeks wobble with emotion when the coolness of Cirrin’s magic and the soothing tones of Malin’s voice carry me under.
Chapter Thirty-Five
Earthquake
Impossibly bright brown eyes capture mine as I stretch awake, and no amount of shying away from his gaze can keep me from mirroring the widening grin crossing Varic’s expression. I let out a yawn and settle back down over his bare chest I’ve apparently been using as a pillow. His stomach muscles clench everywhere I mindlessly trail my fingertips over his skin, squirming to escape the tickle my touch brings him. Encouraging me to continue with his playful avoidance in the form of a groan rumbling through him, smiling wide as I follow when he twists, allowing a rare giggle to tumble from my lips.
Varic’s demeanor shifts when he tightens his arm around my back and stares down, with the only movement being the heaving of our chests as we savor this moment before we continue the grueling work of excavating all he has hidden underneath layers and layers of protection.
Something moves, pulling me from the dream, which is more memory than anything.
“I’m sorry, I tried not to wake you—” Varic begins, and I bolt upright with the chilled air assaulting my skin everywhere our bodies had been melded together.
I fold my legs beneath me and draw back to stare down in horror at Varic’s bare chest, swallowing when I meet his eyes, where a sentimental smile plays across his features, lying there with one arm crooked behind his head. His smirk deepens at my dramatic reaction to realizing I must have sought him out in my sleep.
Lars stalks over to hand Varic a small black towel, and my brow furrows, tracing the way Varic’s muscles clench as he lifts his head to look down at the sheen he wipes from the center of his chest.
No. My eyes widen at what must have been my drool, while the red mark on his skin is proof of where my face rested against him. I clap a hand over my mouth when the lightning-patterned scars over each of his hips catch the light. New branches cover the old, and my heart sinks into my stomach. I thought he had stopped. I thought we had come up with enough ways for him to never need to hurt himself like this again.
“Varic,” I say, looking at him with a pained expression I have no hope of hiding.
I reach for him without thinking, then halt, heart slamming against my ribs to the beat of every scream I need to let out for all the pain this Empire brings us.
“What is it?” he asks, with so much concern my throat tightens. “Did I hurt you?”
He reaches for me, and I fall to the side, just out of his reach as his face mirrors the pain in my own.
“I thought you weren’t going to do that anymore,” I say, gesturing to his side where the tips of the lightning streaks climb up from beneath his waistband.
His eyes follow my line of sight as he deflates, shoulders dropping along with his face.
“Turns out I’m not as capable of controlling my magic as we once believed me to be.”
“Don’t do that,” I admonish. “Don’t blame yourself for what you are made to endure. If you’re hurting yourself like this, it’s to ensure everyone else’s safety. This isn’t something you would seek out on your own.”
He shakes his head, and there’s no point in arguing. He won’t listen to me, anyway.
“I’m sorry I drooled all over your chest,” I say, acting as a distraction.
“I don’t mind. You can drool on my chest every night if it means you sleep curled up next to me like that.”
My jaw drops as I gape back at him, speechless. I need him to be less sweet. Comments like this make everything harder—complicating an already fraught situation.
“You were asleep. You couldn’t help—” he says, misunderstanding.
“I couldn’t help but crawl over and use your chest as a pillow?”
His laughter is light and airy, squeezing my heart with the need to hear it more often. “Something like that.”
He confirms my need, so desperate for him I seek him in my sleep. Yet in a few hours, we will return to the place where we must hide our feelings much better than this, so she takes over—the Imperial Grand Witch.
“No, Varic. It was you who needed connection. This playful act of yours isn’t helping when being near you is nothing but suffering.”
