Page 86 of Bad Habit
I stand up and gather the trash part of her pile on the floor before leaning down and kissing the top of her head. “Take your own advice, A. Don’t let your mind rob you of the good.” Then I wink at her, “Andrealizing you’re in love with Rory is a good thing.” The smallest tear runs down her cheek and she doesn’t even try to stop it.
“Shut up and go fix things with my girl.” She avoids confirming me knowing that her crash out is because she wants to tell Rory she loves him too but is scared.
“She’s my girl, A.” I call over my shoulder as I toss the empty bags into the trash in the kitchen.
“Not yet. Fix it.” She corrects me. Then yells out, “Tell Eddie to bring me back pie!”
“Yes ma’am.” I peek my head back around the corner and salute her and then make my way downstairs to where Dad is, in fact, waiting for me.
Dad only brings us to the diner mom used to work at when he wants to have a serious talk. So my anxiety is heightened as we wait for our food. He looks even healthier since his heart attack earlier this year. That hit my brothers and me hard. Growing up with only one parent tends to make you extra attached to the one you have.
“Your mom loved this place. Even when she was at the end of her pregnancy with all three of you stretching her body to the limits. She would walk around and serve people with the type of warmth that healed you.” He glances around and his face turns sad, then he smiles like she is standing in the room with us. Sometimes I’m jealous that he can remember what she looked like in real life. I’ve only ever known her through pictures and photos.
The diner actually still has a picture of her and Dad hanging on the wall. She has long curly hair and the smallest bump. Dad is staring at herlike she is his whole world. The owner offers to give it to him every time he is in here, but he always declines. He says that she would want it here. The diner meant the world to her because it was the first job she was ever given when she had no experience. She was young and newly married and the owner hired her on the spot. Even after Dad managed to get the loans for the gym and started bringing in enough for her to not have to work, she stayed at this diner.
“Fighting like you’re fighting is going to get you seriously hurt.” He says each word evenly. I’m not dumb. I know he knows we fight. He just pretends he doesn’t know how often because he has always let us do our own thing as long as we aren’t causing harm. Lately, I’ve broken that trust he has in me though because I’ve been causing harm to myself and making my brothers accomplices.
“I know.” I agree easily. And I know he wasn’t expecting it because his eyes squint at me and he scratches his beard. Clearly he thought he was going to have to put up a much bigger fight.
“That’s it?” He asks suspiciously. The waitress brings our food out to us.
“Mia already tore into me over it. And AJ made sure to remind me that I’m a dumbass.” I raise my eyebrow at him, “So, yeah. That’s it. I’ll make sure I heal up entirely before I take another fight. I promise.” I dip a fry into the special sauce they make here to put on your burger. I always get a side of it for my fries. Something I tried after Dad told me that our mom did it.
“Did Avery get hurt?” He’s been concerned over her since he gave her a job cleaning the gym when she was a teenager. Something in him just knew that he needed to protect her.
“Just a little banged up. She invited one of the girls she fought to come train at the gym though. Some girl named Bellamy. That’s all we know about her.” It took Eli and Maxwell thirty minutes just to get the name from Tucker.
He grunts. “She must have been pretty good if Avery cared enough to invite her to the gym.”
“Her footwork was impressive. She’s intuitive.” I acknowledge before taking a bite of my burger. Dad swallows some food down before leaning his forearms on the table. “Are you going to yell at me about something else now?” The amused and knowing smile on his face is the same one that Max wears all the time.
“I don’t yell.” He grins. He really doesn’t. Calm and collected, that’s how we all describe him. It’s why I joke with AJ about dating Dad’s clone all the time because Rory is the same way. He beckons for the waitress to come back over to the table and orders a slice of pie to take home for AJ. “She reminds me of your mom.” He finally lets out after the waitress leaves. I don’t even have to ask who he is talking about because it’s obvious. “Don’t fuck it up.” He knows I was at his apartment to talk about Mia. I don’t know how, but he does. He always knows exactly what we need. He had to raise us single handedly but we never felt less than the love of both our parents.
“That’s your big advice? Don’t fuck it up?” Thank God I ran into AJ first, she was much more helpful. I play with the hem of my shirt, not looking up at him.
“That’s my big advice. Stop overthinking it. She doesn’t need grand love, she just needs real love. The love that she knows is waiting for her, to hold her when she feels small. The love that makes you want to be home. Let her reach as high as she wants, but remind her that you will always catch her. That is the love for a girl like Mia.” I find his eyes again and his whole face has changed.
“How do you know that?” I ask quietly. Everything about what he said was exactly something that Mia would ramble about wanting.
“It’s how I loved your mom.” The silence that covers the space between us is both warm and suffocating at the same time. Grief is a bitch because I miss my mom and I never met her. He misses her because heknows what it’s like to live with her in the world and now has to survive without her.
Rain starts to hit the outside of the glass and we both turn to watch it. And through the splattered drops I see my cherry girl right across the street. Sitting across from some blonde guy that can’t stop smiling at her. They’re always smiling at her. I get it, she’s funny. Is she on a date? One fight, and she decides to go on a date.
“You going to fix that?” I hear Dad’s voice but I can’t tear my eyes off of her.
I don’t even say bye to my dad. I just get out of the restaurant as fast as I can and walk across the street. The hostess greets me with a kind smile, “Just one?”
“I’m actually just dropping off a message. Do you have a napkin?” She pulls one off the shelf behind her and offers me a pink pen from her apron. She has a whole rainbow of pens lined up. “Actually, can I have the red one?” I give her my best charming smile and she easily hands over the red pen. I messily write out what I want on the napkin and hand the pen back to her.
The walk to the table where she and blondie are sitting is longer than it should be. My blood seems to be pumping to a different pulse and my neck is itchy. She’s not dressed up this time. She’s in jeans and a black tank top, yet she looks the prettiest right now because I know that I love her. I think I knew it the first night she pulled on my chain at The Poolhouse and asked me to dance with her because every part of me wanted to follow her then. And now, I don’t know who I am if I’m not following her.
I stop at the edge of her table, in a wet shirt and dripping hair holding a damn napkin. She looks up at me with every color in her eyes today. Her smile never falters but her eyes let me know that she is waiting for something. I flip the napkin upside and walk away. I barely make it out of the door when I hear, “He’s not me?” I turn around and she is alreadyso close that her face is right at my chest. She’s holding the napkin up and she is seething. “You’re just going to come in and interrupt my day all unbothered and then just walk away?”
“Trust me I’m bothered, pretty girl.” I lean further down. The rain isn’t heavy but it’s falling enough to make her hair stick to the side of her face. Her lips quivering a little from the wet and chilly weather. I’m sure she left her jacket inside or maybe even at home. She’s always forgetting things.
“What are you doing here, Ol?” Her request soft, her eyes imploring mine.
And I’m hoping that I’m about to give her what she wants. “Do you know how hard it is to try and be what you need for someone who is everything?” I push back my hair and shake my head free of the doubt, “you’re all the colors, Mia. You’re everything that everyone wants. You’re hilarious and kind and fucking brilliant.” I don’t know why it’s hard to just take a breath but I’m doing my best as I continue, “you’re right though. You absolutely do not need me. But I need you. I need to be in your presence. I need to see your smile and see what color your eyes are each day because it’s my favorite thing. I need to hear your laugh when I come into the room. My house doesn’t even feel the same without you. But I can’t keep crashing your dates and living off the crumbs you give me.” I finally catch my breath, “I need more.”
