Page 96 of What We Knew Then
The word comes out heavier than I expect. I stare out at the water, watching the dark waves break against the sand.
“I spent four years doing everything right,” I continue. “Studying. Planning. Getting good grades. Being responsible.”
Lane shifts beside me but doesn’t interrupt.
“And now I find out I might fail one stupid class because my brain decided to short-circuit during an exam.” The laugh that comes out of me sounds hollow. “Seems like I did this wrong.”
“You didn’t do anything wrong.”
I shake my head. “You don’t get it.”
I gesture back to the house again. “Those girls in there? They’ve probably been doing this the whole time. Going to parties, dancing, having fun.”
Lane’s voice is quiet when he murmurs, “You think you missed out.”
It isn’t really a question.
“Maybe.”
The word floats between us for a second.
Then Lane asks something that makes me turn toward him.
“Do you think you’re missing out by being here with me right now?”
I purse my lips. “Lane.”
He looks at me.
“No. I absolutely don’t think of that.” My cold fingers find the side of his face and I sit up to kiss him. “You make me feel like I’m alive. Like I’m actually living.”
The words hang in the cold air between us. For a second, neither of us moves.
I feel him take a deep breath. “There’s something I could tell you, but I’m afraid you won’t remember it.”
I move in front of him, my knees pressing into the sand as I sit between his pulled-up legs.
“Tell me. And if I forget, you can tell me twice,” I joke.
Lane gives me the faintest smile, arms resting on his knees.
“I need you to keep that promise because I’m in love with you.”
I’m in love with you.
The words do their best to sober me up. There’s not a world where I won’t remember this in the morning.
I push my bottom lip through my teeth before leaning forward, hands on his shoulders as I kiss him. When he kisses me back, it’s like something snaps into place.
“I love you.” I kiss him again. “And how could I forget this? This is like going to be burned into my brain, in the best way.” He smiles into my lips and I pull away. “You make me feel like I did something right.”
“I’m not the guy that’s a good choice. You know that, right?”
“You’re the best choice. That’s what I think.” I sit back on my heels, the chilled sand pushing through my jeans.
Lane laughs, one of my favorite sounds, and continues, “Pretty sure that’s the tequila talking.”
“Speaking of…” I reach into my bag and pull out a mini bottle of tequila, open it, and take the shot. Lane’s eyes stay on me as I put the empty bottle back in my bag.
