Page 77 of What We Knew Then
Slowly, I take a deep breath, letting the coolness of the air push into my lungs. When I sigh it out, I start. “This is one of my favorite places. In the world. Not just on campus. It felt like this is where we should have this conversation.”
Lane nods and it pulls at my heart a little, like he understands the importance.
“You asked what we were doing. And I don’t have an answer. You’re one of the first things I don’t have an answer for. I tried not wanting you.You tried, too. And now, we’re this—” I gesture to the two of us. “You have me breaking the rules and that isn’t me.” Each word feels like salt getting close to a wound—I'm just waiting for the sting. The pain.
“It’s not in the cards for me to have hockey and you. There’s no way I’m that lucky.” His words are meant to sound light, but they land heavily enough to knock the air out of me.
“Who says?”
Lane’s eyes lift to mine, his head tilting slightly. “The world. Whatever you believe in. My life’s been a disaster, one thing after another, and there are only a few wins worth mentioning. That’s how I got here. A coach who might actually believe in me. A shot at my dream.” His gaze lingers on me and something unsettled moves behind it, like he’s trying to push away a thought he doesn’t want to sit with.
It reminds me of the way he reacted to Oliver’s messages. The way his whole body shifted. I don’t know much about his life before Michigan. Just that he talks about it like it’s something he had to escape. Something he doesn’t go back to. The accident in Ohio is the only piece he’s ever let slip, and even that feels like a door he shut the second it opened.
“You don’t know that,” I quietly protest-. “The universe isn’t out to get you.”
He shakes his head, cutting me off before I can say more. “If you knew even half of it, you’d be agreeing with me.”
“Then tell me.” I reach for his hand. He tries to pull away, I feel it in the small recoil, but I hold on, my fingers tightening around his. “Who is Oliver? Why don’t we start there?”
He lifts his chin, takes a breath, then closes his mouth before anything comes out. His jaw shifts, his eyes flicking to the ceiling like he’s searching for an answer he’s not sure he wants to give.
“It’s complicated,” he says finally, quieter than before. “And it’s—”
I squeeze his hand again. “There’s nothing you can say that will make me not want to hear it.” The words come out steady, even though it feels like I’m balancing on something fragile. “I want to know your story.”
It’s the truth. From the first night I met Lane, there’s been something pulling us back to each other. He talks about the universe like it’s taken things from him, like it’s something to brace against. But for me, it feels like it gave me something instead.
It gave me him.
The one I didn’t see coming. The one I’m not ready to lose.
Chapter 47
LANE
Mystomachturnslikethe waves out on the water.
It’s like my lungs forgot how to work and only remember how to panic. The wind off the water is cold, but I’m sweating anyway. My heart bangs against my ribs like it’s trying to get out, each beat echoing through my body.
I'm no stranger to handling pain, but I’m struggling with the mental image of how Cora will look at me when she knows—like I’m someone else. Or worse, like I’m not someone she wants anymore. Like she won’t understand why I did what I did.
The secret sits in my chest like a second heart, heavier than the first. One wrong word and it’s all over—her, us, the version of me that still gets to stand here without everything falling apart. The life I left behind to save someone else.
I hear myself start talking before I’ve decided to. It comes out low and rushed, like if I don’t keep moving, I’ll choke on it. “This is more than me. The thing I’m keeping. You have no idea what would happen if it got out. I made my choice and I have to live with it and—”
Cora puts a finger to my lips, stopping me mid-ramble. “Lane,” she breathes my name like a prayer. “You can trust me.”
The cold coming off the lake seeps straight through my jacket, sharp and wet, like it’s trying to carve the truth out of me. The lighthouse looms around us, all stone and shadow.
When she grabs for my hand, she holds onto it like I’m something worth keeping. I can feel it. The thing between us that’s been there since the first night we met.
Her eyes are blue and steady on mine; something in my chest loosens, even though it probably shouldn’t. She tilts her head, her hair falling over her shoulders, and her gaze shakes me to my core.
For a second, a quick flash, I feel safe. Something that’s always been brief and fleeting when it comes to my life.
I have to tell her. There’s not really another option. Plus, Iwantto.
Swallowing past the doubt that dares to change my mind if I wait too long, I try to find where to start. Fuck. I feel a shiver run through my body and I convince myself it’s because of the wind and not the adrenaline about to take me down.
