Page 105 of What We Knew Then
“What do you want?”
“I—” My throat tightens. “Can I come in?” I try to rub the cold from my arms.
He hesitates like he might say no. For a second, I think he will. Then he steps back and gives me room to step in. I slip past him into the familiar apartment, a place that I miss.
His hockey bag lies half-open on the floor near the couch. Almost like he started packing but quit.
Lane says nothing as he sits at the bar, his laptop open on the counter. He still hasn’t looked at me.
“I came to tell you I’m sorry.” The words feel small in this room. Insignificant.
He shakes his head, scrolling on the laptop. “Yeah, me too.”
His words kind of catch me off guard. “What are you sorry for?”
Lane turns, eyes finding mine for the first time since last night. Since before the cop. “I’m sorry I put myself in this position. I fucking knew better. That night I met you at the bar, I knew it was too good to be true. Should’ve went with my gut.”
“You don’t mean that…” I cross my arms, like I’m doing my best to hold myself literally together.
He stands, hands on his hips. “I think I do. You have no idea how fucked I am. No NHL team will touch me now.”
“My dad might change his mind.” It’s a white lie I barely mean to tell.
His eyes pin me in place. “Did he tell you that?”
“No, not exactly, but—”
“Cora, you don’t get it. When I say I have nothing else? I mean it. There are no other future prospects. My best bet is that I can get on a roster in Europe. Live over there.”
Europe. A league across the globe.
“You can’t go to Europe.” I say it mostly to myself, but obviously Lane hears me.
He takes a step forward, closing the space between us. “I obviously can’t stay here. I don’t have parents that will take me in.”
“We will figure it out, but—”
“No. We won’t.”
The words hang heavy between us and it’s like all the air has left my body.
“I trusted you. I told you something that no one knows and you put me in a situation just like that last night.”
“I wasn’t thinking—”
“Clearly. I know that. But the way I was so wrapped up in you, it made me stop thinking, too. Yes, this is your fault, but I’m to blame for my own downfall. For the second time, so…”
Was. Was so wrapped up in you.The past tense makes my knees wobble. This isn’t how this is supposed to happen.
I grasp at the last of my straws. “Why don’t you tell my dad the truth about the night in Ohio?”
He scrunches his face in confusion. “You think he’d even believe me? I don’t. There’s no one to confirm it and I don’t think it matters. He thinks I put you in danger, after he explicitly told me you were off limits.”
My arms ache and I realize I’m squeezing my hands at my sides, like I’m holding onto the last pieces of us. I don’t know where to go. What to say. It’s like I’m drowning.
“I should’ve known better.” Lane’s voice climbs like he’s understanding a revelation. “The coach’s daughter? Pretty high on the ‘do not do’ list. I don’t know how I thought I could have both of these things… you and hockey.”
His eyes move away from me, as if looking at me is painful. A breath leaves him that almost sounds like a laugh. “I’ve never been that lucky.”
