Page 92 of Next Time We'll Fall

“Rafe,” she says, giving me a small little smile, “I know.”

And I know from the tone of her voice that everything is going to be okay.

Chapter 22

JUNIPER

There are times in life where you question everything you think you know, where you doubt your own feelings, where you doubt the intentions of others, where you doubt even the thoughts going through your head. And then there are times when you know something with such certainty that you can’t eradicate it.

And as I stand there on the beach, looking at Rafe, then August, and Jackie, I know. I know exactly what I have to do. I know exactly what’s going on, and I know exactly what I have to say.

I can tell by the look on Rafe’s face that he’s flabbergasted by everything going on. I can tell by the look on Rafe’s face that he doesn’t know what to do, that he doesn’t know what to say, that he feels lost and confused and upset and angry and hurt.

I can tell by the look on Rafe’s face that he loves me and he doesn’t know how to tell me. And he’s nervous I’m going to choose something else, someone else. He’s nervous I’m going to choose August, which is absolutely ridiculous because I don’t even know the man. And even though he’s a famous movie star,I would never choose him and being on a reality TV show above Rafe. Never in a million years.

“Rafe,” I say softly as I grab his hands. “I need to ask you a question.”

“What’s the question?” he says, looking slightly daunted. My heart aches as I see the worried expression on his face. He reminds me of a man who’s unsure of himself and I want to ease all of his fears.

“It’s not about if you told her about us making love on the beach last night.” I look over at August, who looks disappointed at my words. Not that I really care. I’m not interested in him whatsoever. And I know he’s not interested in me. He’s interested in a lie. And the newspapers. And the gossip that a show like this would garner. If I was a different sort of woman, it might feel exciting, but I’m not. “I hope you’re not upset.” I say to August, who is still at me, with a contrite expression.

“I mean, I’ll forgive you. I’m not going to lie. I had sex with a couple of girls who are still in the tent right now.” He grins and waggles his eyebrows like the playboy that he is. “But I wasn’t going to pick them, so you don’t have to feel bad. Sure, I fucked three of them and told them that they had a shot, but let’s be real, why would I want a woman I’ve already been with?” He chuckles like he thinks he’s funny. “You’re a cow I haven’t milked.”

“Oh.” I look at him in distaste. “That’s not really a compliment.”Maybe he’s not as nice of a man as I thought. Scratch that, he’s a jerk.

“But it’s not like we’d met when I fucked them,” he says softly, thinking that’s why I’m upset. “And I still do think we have a connection. I’ll forgive what happened last night with you if you forgive what happened last night with me.” He cocks his head to the side. “No drama?”

I look at him with a wide smile because the man has to be delusional. “There’s nothing to forgive, August. I don’t really care if you slept with people last night, and I also don’t care if you care if I slept with Rafe last night. Rafe is someone who is really important to me. He’s someone I’ve always cared about, who I’ve always hoped would be in my life in a romantic way, and somehow, this is our moment.”

I look over at Rafe, who’s staring at me in shock. Crazy timing. But I suppose that’s how life works. Timing is never what you think it’s going to be, but I don’t care.

“I really think you’re a smart guy, August. And I’m not interested in being part of a show where the expectation is that I’m going to marry a man I’m not interested in marrying. I’m certainly not going to go on a honeymoon with you, and I’m not going to do anything that could possibly jeopardize my relationship, no matter how new it is, with a man that I have been desperately in love with for years.”

“What did you just say?” Rafe says, gawking.

Now I feel slightly self-conscious because I didn’t really want to have to admit that I was in love with him, especially because I didn’t really know how he thought about me and how deep his feelings were. But the look of uncertainty in his face when he’d asked me to choose him over August persuaded me to just come clean with him.

If I couldn’t be honest about my feelings with him after we made love, then there was no hope for us anyway.

“I said that I have had feelings for you for a long time. And I’m not going to play games and pretend that I haven’t. I like you, and I don’t know if this was just a sex thing for you or if you felt some sort of competition.”

“I love you, Juniper,” he says loudly, laughing. “I love you. This isn’t a game. This isn’t anything other than what it is. I don’t want to just be your protector. I don’t want to be yourbodyguard. I don’t want to stop you from making out with other men because I’m worried that they’re going to hurt you. I’m doing it because I don’t want you to be with them. I’m doing it because I want you to be with me. I don’t want you to be on this show. I don’t want you to be in wet T-shirt contests. I don’t want you to be giving lap dances.”

“Whoa, this is a lot,” August says. “I didn’t know you were doing all of this, Juniper. I thought you were a sweet little country girl.”

“Coconut Beach is off the coast Florida,” I say, laughing. “So, no, I’m not a country girl. And why would you assume I’m sweet?” I stare at him. “It was nice meeting you. And you do seem like a genuinely nice guy. Though I don’t know how much of that was for the cameras”—I point to the cameras all around us—“or how much of it was genuine. But Rafe’s my dude. He’s always going to be my dude. I’m not even going to blame you for this show because I got into this show for reasons that weren’t one hundred percent above board. I was only willing to do this show because I wanted money, but I’ll figure out another way to keep my bookstore afloat. I’m not going to jeopardize the potential relationship I have with this man to make money, especially because I’ve waited so long for this to happen.

“Do you believe me, Rafe?”

“Oh my gosh, darling. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you.”

“Cut!” Jackie shouts out. “We can’t use this. We absolutely cannot use this.”

She looks at me in disappointment. “I could have won an Emmy. Couldn’t you have just saved this for later on in the show while you were at the altar? We could have used it then. Could you imagine the drama we could have drummed up if this had happened while you were in a relationship with August?”

“I’m never going to be in a relationship with August, Jackie. What don’t you understand? I don’t care about TV. I don’t care about ratings. I don’t care about winning an Emmy. I don’t care about being an influencer. I have less than a hundred people following me on Instagram. And while I might care about that because it might bring more people to the bookstore, I’m not going to sell out my soul for that. I love this man, and he is more important to me than anything else.”

Rafe pulls me into his arms and holds me tight. “I love you, Juniper. I love that you are here for us. I love that you opened up to me. I know that wasn’t easy.”