Page 56 of Bound Bride
His hands slide down my forearms and then he's stepping away from me and unbuttoning his shirt.
I expect him to throw himself back at me but all he does is remove his shirt and then drape it over my bare shoulders.
"What are you doing?"
"You changed," Kon replies and his voice remains gentle. "You went somewhere. I felt it. The tension in you…" Kon pulls his shirt closed over my shoulders and the lingering warmth is welcome against the chill that forms in my chest. "It is okay."
"No it's not. Come on, I want you to fuck me! I'm okay!" I was so close. So fucking close and I had to go and fuck it all up because my stupid brain can't tell the difference between reality and a memory.
I reach for his wrist to try and drag him back but Kon twists his hand and catches my fingers instead.
Palm to palm, he leads me away from the bookshelves and toward the deep red velvet couches near the quiet, unlit fireplace.
"Do you want to fuck on the couch?" I ask as he sits. "Because we can."
"Rose. You do not need to hide it. Believe me, I meant what I said about being addicted to you but I felt you change. I will not push you into anything you are not comfortable or ready for."
"But—"
"Look me in the eye." He tugs me down to sit next to him, warm in his shirt. "Tell me what changed? If I moved too fast or did something you did not like then you must tell me."
"I—"
A deep sigh rises up in my chest and I grimace.
As much as I try to hide it, Kon morphing briefly into Mathew has my gut in knots. I can't lie to him while looking him in the eye.
But I can't tell him the truth either.
So I improvise.
"It's just… a lot of pressure, I guess."
Kon's brows knit together and both his hands close over one of mine. "Pressure?"
"Yeah, I mean… we've been together over a month, and we've tried a lot, but I'm not pregnant yet. I can't help but feel like I'm letting you and everyone else down. It's the one thing I'm supposed to do for this and it hasn't happened yet, so I guess the pressure got to me a little… but that's all."
Kon's eyes widen slightly and he nods along as I speak. "Rose, darling. You do not need to worry about any of that. I do not care about an heir and your ability to give me one does not dictate your worth in the slightest."
A knot of confusion twists in my chest. "What? But… isn't that part of the deal?"
"Yes, but in the fine print because it does not really matter to me."
That knot begins to grow in my chest. "How can it not matter? Isn't that what this entire deal is all about?"
"No. The deal was for a wife. The heir is included in the fine print to keep those generals happy, but it is not a goal or an expectation of mine," Kon explains. "You see, I am infertile. The chances of me having a child are extremely slim. It is why I haveno children from my first marriage and why I work so hard to prove my value in other ways. So you see, my dear, it is not your fault that you are not pregnant, and you should not put that kind of pressure on yourself because it is something out of your control. And mine, to an extent."
Infertile.
Kon is infertile.
It hits like a physical blow to the chest and I stare at him while the knot in my chest tightens further as if it's tangling around all of my organs.
Infertile.
Oh no.
I've been staring at him in silence for far too long after such a personal reveal, so I suddenly lean forward and cup his face with a bright smile. "That doesn't matter. Luckily, it's very fun to try, don't you think?" I kiss him softly and Kon slides an arm around my waist.
