Page 94 of Rooster's Remorse
And now she's said it. The night before. On a cold bench, with her forehead against mine.
"I've loved you since I was seven and a boy across the street let my muddy dog into his mother's kitchen and took the blame for it." Her thumb moves along my jaw. "I loved you the whole time I hated you. I loved you in that hole, which I'll never forgive you for, because loving somebody down there is one more thing they get to hurt."
"Mila—"
"And I love you right now. Tonight. More than I've ever loved anything." Her voice breaks clean through. "And I wasn't walking into that place tomorrow with it stuck in my throat. So there. Now you know."
I get my arms around her and pull her into me and hold on.
"I've loved you my whole life," I say into her hair. "I loved you enough to leave, and it was the worst thing I ever did, and I'd have done it a thousand more times to keep you breathing."
She goes still against my chest.
"I'm going to spend whatever I've got left learning to love you the right way instead." I pull back to look at her. "Starting tonight."
Her face is wet, lit up, and unafraid.
She stands and holds out her hand.
"Then come inside." She wraps her fingers around mine. "I'm not spending tonight on a cold bench."
We head inside and she takes me to her room.
She doesn't turn the lock.
That's the first thing I notice, with the door shut behind us.
She doesn't check it. Doesn't test it. Doesn't run the ritual her body's run in every room since the gate.
She shuts the door, turns around, and lets me watch her not do it. "Come here." She says it softly.
I do.
And this isn't the first night.
The first night she ran everything, because she had to know she could.
Tonight isn't that.
Tonight she comes up into me and fists both hands in my shirt and pulls me down and kisses me like she's trying to get under my skin.
Hard. No test in it. No waiting to see what I'll do, because she already knows.
"I'm not going to break tonight." She says it against my mouth. "Don't be gentle because you think I need it."
"Tell me what you need."
"To feel like I'm alive. Like you're alive. Like we're both still going to be breathing this time tomorrow." Her hands drop to my belt. "Can you do that?"
"Yeah."
"Then stop holding back." She works the buckle without looking down. "I've watched you hold back for weeks. I know exactly how much you keep off me so I can steer."
"Mila—"
"I don't need to steer tonight." She looks up at me. "I need you to meet me. All the way."
So, I meet her.
