Page 103 of Mortala
We have plans to go see Hudson later. He’s been out of surgery for the last few hours and in recovery, but we wanted to give him some time to rest.
Miles had room service delivered to both our room and Julius’ this morning. I’ve never had the privilege of ordering room service before, and when I opened the menu and saw all the options, I immediately understood why people love it. There were so many things I wanted to try that narrowing it down felt impossible, so naturally, I ordered a little bit of everything—waffles, sourdough toast, potatoes, bacon, a fruit parfait, and two chocolate chip cookies.
Miles had the audacity to laugh when he saw my order, acting like I somehow wouldn’t be able to finish it all. The disrespect is honestly unbelievable. He clearly doesn’t know me very well because I am more than prepared to prove him wrong.
Because he’s so cheeky, Miles ordered the exact same thing, but to tease me, he also added a side of over-easy eggs to go withhis toast. We stuff our faces, both of us finishing our plates, and I can tell Miles is a little surprised I was able to finish all of my food.
Nothing makes me happier than proving a man wrong.
We hear a knock on the door, and I instantly tense up. Because this is my life now. I’m constantly looking over my shoulder, constantly waiting for the next thing to go wrong. A simple knock on a door or the sound of a text notification is enough to send my body into fight or flight before my brain even has time to process what’s happening.
“Hey, it’s alright. I’ll get it,” Miles says softly, giving my knee a comforting squeeze before standing up. He looks through the peephole before opening the door, and I let out a small sigh of relief when I see it’s only Julius standing on the other side.
“Good morning, Alexander. I have the car out front ready for us to go,” he announces from the doorway.
Despite Miles stepping aside, Julius doesn’t move to enter. He simply remains in the doorway, as if he’s waiting for permission even though he’s been a part of Miles’ life for years. Miles gives him the space to come in, but Julius just nods politely instead.
I return his greeting with a smile and a small wave. He’s so formal that it’s almost strange, but there’s something comforting about the distance he naturally keeps. He’s respectful without being cold, and I can appreciate that about him.
“Thank you, Julius. You ready, baby?” Miles asks, holding his hand out for me to take.
My nerves are all over the place. I know I can’t hide forever, and as angry as I am, the thought of leaving the safety of this hotel still has my entire body on edge. This place has become a temporary escape from everything waiting outside those doors, and walking away from it feels like I’m stepping right back into the chaos.
But then I think about Hudson. He got shot protecting me. He put himself in harm’s way because of the mess I dragged everyone into, and it would be wrong of me to stay here hiding while the person responsible continues to hurt the people around me. I can’t let fear keep controlling my life. So before my nerves have the chance to take over, I reach out and take Miles’ hand, and together, we walk out the door.
The driveto the hospital feels endless. Miles wanted to make sure we were as far away from the house as possible, hoping that putting enough distance between us would make it harder for anyone to follow us. After the hour-long drive, I’d like to believe he succeeded.
But who knows anymore?
I gave up believing we could actually hide from this person a long time ago. Every time I think we’ve found somewhere safe, somehow, he manages to find us. Every time I convince myself we’re finally one step ahead, he reminds me that he’s been watching from the shadows the entire time.
I can feel the last bit of fight I have left slowly slipping away.
No one should have to experience the pain of growing up with an abusive father. No one should have to feel the emptiness that comes with losing their mother. No one should have to wake up every day carrying the weight of wondering if they became the very thing they were trying to escape.
I didn’t ask for any of this. I didn’t ask to spend my life haunted by the possibility that I murdered my own father or tocarry around the fear that my past could destroy everything I’ve built and expose the darkest parts of myself to the world.
But I didn’t have a choice. It was either me or him, and if it came down to that, it was always going to be him. I did what I had to do to survive.
Miles watches me while I stare out the window, lost somewhere between my thoughts and the passing scenery outside. I can feel his eyes on me every few moments, like he’s checking to make sure I’m still here. Like he’s silently reminding himself that I’m still sitting beside him.
It’s strange how easily I can feel his presence, even without looking at him. Like there’s some invisible thread connecting us, something neither of us can see but both of us can feel. Every shift of his attention, every small movement, it’s like my body knows before my mind does.
I close my eyes and allow myself a moment to just exist.
No fear. No running. No wondering what comes next.
Just him.
His fingers find mine, gently brushing against my skin as he traces slow circles across my palm. The touch is soft, almost grounding, and for a moment, I let myself forget everything else.
Even after his hand stills, the warmth of him remains. A quiet reminder that I’m not alone. No matter how dark everything gets, he’s still here.
I can feel the moment Miles decides to look away and when I open my eyes and glance over at him, his head is back, eyes closed, just living in this moment with me.
I love him. There isn’t a doubt in my mind that everything I’ve been through, despite how dreadfully awful it all was, was so that I can be here now with him. He is my reward for surviving through hell.
The hallwayof the hospital is freezing cold and I’m mentally kicking myself for not bringing a thicker jacket. This hospital is also so damn ginormous, I haven’t had any idea where we’ve been this entire time. I’ve never been in a hospital so large, let alone seen one of this size, but San Francisco is much larger than my little hometown in Alabama.
