Page 60 of Into the Blue
“Help?” Axel is standing so close to me now, but it feels as though a storm rages between us, keeping us apart. “What, by swapping one hotel developer for another?”
“Myles is not a hotel developer! He wants to?—”
“What? What does he want to do, Jade? Bottle the water and sell it through his brand? Whatever he’s telling you, it’s not true. He’ll buy the land and then he can do whatever the fuck he wants with it.”
“You said you thought he was a good guy!”
“Sure, a good guy. Spent a lot of money on a surfboard one time. But I don’t fucking know him! I only know what he is. And the kind of circles he runs in.” He turns away, his hands in his hair. “I fucking trusted you! Why the hell was I so stupid?”
“And I trusted you! Yet you never told me you were engaged!” The words tumble out of me, all my worries unleashed. “You made such a big deal about cheating being a deal-breaker, yet here you are, cheating with me!”
Axel turns back to me. I flinch. His lips are drawn back from his teeth, his face a mask of anguish. “What?” The word is a ragged whisper.
“I saw the photo! Susie? Is that her name? Does she know about me? That you told me you’re falling for me? Or am I just another fuck?” The words hurt, so much. I can’t go through this again, can’t be used by another lover. My chest aches, like my heart is actually breaking. Axel stares at me, rage and sorrow burning like lightning in his eyes.
“You shouldn’t be going through my stuff.” He grates out the words.
“I wasn’t going through your stuff!” My breath sobs in and out. “And I haven’t betrayed you with Myles! I gave you every part of me, Axel. Everything. Even though I knew you were holding back. But if you don’t trust me, how can we be together? Trust goes both ways,” I whisper, tears rolling down my face. “If you’re not in this with me, Axel, then what’s the point? Mish is wrong. You’re wrong. But if you won’t let me fucking explain, then why am I even here?”
I whirl from him, not letting him answer. What’s the point, anyway? If he’s engaged, then we’re done. And he’s not rushing to deny it. Pain lashes through me, lightning sharp, crackling along all the fault lines, all the breaks I thought had healed in Axel’s arms. I run outside, my feet pounding on the pathway to my cabin. I think I hear Axel call my name, but I don’t care. I can’t speak to him.
I grab Dora’s board from the veranda and race along the beach. My injured leg is aching, but it’s nothing compared to the pain in my heart. How could he not trust me, after all we’ve been through? He didn’t even let me explain, just believed Mish. And that’s what hurts the most.
I dash into the surf, letting the sting of cold water take my pain, riding it as I paddle towards the waves. My heart is breaking, my life falling apart again, and this is the place where I find healing.
I head into blue darkness, wanting it to take me.
Axel
What the hell just happened?
I’ve seriously screwed up. But it’s been a very long couple of days. Time spent in the capital was difficult enough, as were my meetings with the bankers. I thought I’d left that life behind. I missed the island, missed the peace there.
And I also missed Jade. Wished I’d taken her up on her offer to join me, though she would have been a beautiful flower-scented distraction. But at the end of the first day, in my hotel room alone, the sounds of the city breathing outside, I just wanted to fall into her, find the joy in her body, in being close to her.
It made me realise, even more, how much I’m falling for her. Which is terrifying in itself. I thought those emotions were gone from me, taken when my life fell apart. So to feel love building again, to feel tenderness, vulnerability, it’s like a crack across the shield I’ve built around me. But what comes out is light, pure and beautiful.
Which blinks into nothing when Mish, still damp from her surf, tells me what she saw. Jade leading Myles Brandon down the cliff and into the temple cave. The betrayal is like a knife in me, shredding what we’ve built. Rage rises, a mist in front of my eyes.
Rage fuelled by desperation, by the fact that I feel I’m about to lose everything I worked for over the past few years, my hard-won peace and healing. That this island is going to be changed beyond recognition. I don’t know what I’ll do. I’ll have to sell up, move on. Maybe there are other islands, unspoiled like this one. Or maybe there aren’t. I’m tired, and not getting any younger, and I don’t know if I have it in me to pick up my life and disappear again. I can only run from myself for so long.
So when Jade appears, looking like a dream in turquoise board shorts and matching rash top, I unleash.
And realise immediately that I’ve made a mistake. I can see it in her face, the way her green eyes widen, tears gathering, the hurt in her voice. But I can’t seem to stop, all my hurt and sorrow like a torrent, a dam breaking.
But then she mentions Susie, and I freeze. How the hell did she find out about her? When she mentions the photograph, I realise. But I can’t find the words.
And she leaves, while I stand there, stuck in a moment, memories that I’ve tried to hold back crashing over me. Only for a few moments, but it’s long enough. By the time I recover and run after her, she’s gone.
Then I spot her, a slim figure in turquoise, paddling out into the waves. They’re huge today, a swell riding in overnight ahead of a storm. Which is now rising, wind whipping my hair around my head, the shore break closing out, a rip current dragging towards the rocks. What the fuck was she thinking, going out in that? She’s a professional surfer, but those conditions are dangerous.
I scream her name, but the wind takes it. She’s in the rip now, not struggling against it, trying to go with the flow, but I can see how it’s pulling her closer towards the jagged edges. Waves crash over her, and she ducks under them, seeking control. But even the best surfer in the world would struggle in those conditions. I scream again, reaching out as though she might grab my hand and I could pull her back to safety.
But she’s too far out. I know what I need to do.
I race back to my house, cursing myself. The key is in a tray on the table and I grab it, racing around to the side of the house to a cupboard set flush into the wall. I struggle with the padlock, then it pops open, rusty from misuse. And there they are. My own boards. Still gleaming, despite the layer of sandy dust, the cobwebs in the corner. I grab one. It’s still waxed, and I drag a comb through it quickly, roughing it up, hardened crumbs dropping to the sand. My movements are automatic, the part of me that’s screaming pushed away, somewhere behind my worry for Jade.
I run back down to the shore. Shit. She’s gone.
