Page 10 of Into the Blue
Because I need them to give me more time.
ChapterEight
Jade
It turns out there’s only so much ice cream I can eat. And only so long before I can no longer ignore Zach’s messages. They are a mix of heartbreak and frustration.
Please, Jade. Don’t do this. We’re good together.
How can you love me and walk away?
You’ll miss this, I know you will.
The last one is accompanied by a nude shot of him, erect cock in hand, ocean-blue eyes reddened as though he’s been crying. I snort, my finger poised to reply. Then another message pops up.
This could be you. I wish it was.
And another nude. But this time he’s not alone.
“Oh!” I throw my phone across the table, fury burning my chest. I shove another spoonful of ice cream in my mouth, as though it might cool my anger. I wonder how long he waited after I told him it was over, to fuck someone else. Or whether he even waited at all. Maybe he was already with her when my message came through.
It’s confirmation, I guess, that I did the right thing, no matter how it hurts. Now that I’m away from it, I wonder how I put up with it for so long. I suppose it’s like the frog in boiling water, where it starts off cold then heats up gradually, so by the time he realises he’s dinner, it’s too late.
Things with Zach started so beautifully. I was new to the circuit, an up-and-coming Sand Star, thrilled to have my first sponsorship from Ocean’s Curl. He was the golden surf god, the young gun knocking older, more experienced surfers out of their heats, taking home one prize after another. I couldn’t believe it when he pursued me, sending me flowers and messages all around the world, showing up at my competitions. I wasn’t sure what to do, though, and kept my distance as best I could. I found it difficult to trust people for a number of reasons, and wasn’t sure whether I was ready for someone like Zach.
Then Ocean’s Curl booked us to do a shoot together. Him in board shorts, me in matching shorts and a bikini top. As soon as his arms came around me, as I felt the heat of his skin against mine and looked into those blue eyes, I knew I was in trouble. We ended up in bed together less than a day later. At first, he made me feel safe. Which was exactly what I wanted. But I realise now, looking back on it, that it was safety linked to who he was, rather than what our relationship was actually like. When I was with Zach I was protected from the outside world, always in the VIP section, always flying first class, always staying in the best places. I mistook security for safety, because there was so much about Zach that was unsafe.
I think we’d been together six months when he asked if we could bring another girl into our bed. I was madly in love with him by then, so I agreed. I can see now how he worked up to it with me. How he slowly heated the water. Showing me porn of threesomes, telling me how beautiful I looked when I was having sex, how much he wished he could be on the outside, watching. And god, I was up for it. He unleashed something in me that I wanted to explore, so I went along with it. Maybe that was my first mistake. The second was not speaking up when I realised it wasn’t something I wanted after all, that it was hurting me rather than making me feel good. Instead, I chose to drown those feelings in drinking and drugs just to get through, because I wanted to make him happy.
Feeling sick, I push the ice cream away, my emotions a tangled knot of pain inside me. I don’t believe my time with Zach was a mistake. I also don’t think he’s a bad person. He’s just… Zach. Because I said yes to him the first time, he never asked me again if I was okay with it, because he thought I was. I know if I’d told him to stop bringing other girls into our bed, he would have done. But he would never have stopped cheating on me. He carries his own damage; it was one of the things that held us together, a shared difficult past. I wasn’t lying when I said I’ll always love him, because it’s true. He was my first big relationship, and the first to break my heart, which he then did over and over and over until I wasn’t sure I had any feeling left in it at all. I believe him, too, when he says he loves me. For him, what we had was love, even when it was breaking me.
I get up from the table and wander outside, sitting on the small veranda. The beach is deserted, the sun setting in a haze of purple and gold, palm leaves rustling in the breeze coming off the ocean. It looks like a music video, as though someone is going to wander into frame dressed in flowing linen, singing a soulful song. But I’m completely alone.
Which kind of freaks me out. No one knows where I am, apart from Anna. I could die here and no one would know. In fact, if things had gone badly today when that surfer dropped in on me, I could have. Going into the ocean holds risks; it’s something we accept as surfers, knowing we’re just guests in another realm. But there was no call for me to be attacked like that. I wonder what the hell her problem was. I’m also slightly surprised by how quickly news seems to travel here. When I returned to my cabin after seeing the doctor, there were medical supplies on the table, left, I suppose, by my mysterious host. How the hell did he know I was injured? I’m not sure I like the idea of him just wandering into my cabin whenever he feels like it.
I hug my knees, staring out at the darkening sea. Despite the day I’ve had, this place still seems to speak to me. It’s quiet, in the way I need it to be. And private. Not to mention utterly beautiful. It’s exactly what I wanted. Abreak, from everyone and everything, so I can sort my life out.
The only thing is, I’m not sure what to do next. I sit there a while longer, until the sky is dark and full of stars, trying to figure it out. Eventually I get cold, my leg starting to hurt. I get up to head inside and, as I do, I hear the sound of a scooter. I pause, and see a faint golden light come on in the long low house along the beach. The mysterious Axel. I really should go over and introduce myself, I guess. But not right now. I can do it tomorrow.
I sleep well despite my aching leg, but as soon as I wake it all comes crashing in on me. Oh god. Maybe I’ve made a huge mistake, breaking up with Zach. I sit up, grabbing my phone. Sol’s team is rolling out a whole bunch of sponsored stuff, scheduled ages ago, to keep my social media accounts going. The Wi-Fi is actually working so I open up Instagram. Everything seems to be all right; I’m still getting the same amount of likes as usual, the same comments about how awesome my life must be.
Then I see the first one.
@surfergirl23399 Hey, did I hear you and Zach broke up?
Shit. I keep scrolling. There are more comments, and someone saying they saw Zach at a club, drunk off his head, hitting on every girl in sight. My stomach drops. This is going to get messy, fast. God. What if someone saw me on the flight into Bali? Or recognised me at the dock? I’m sure someone had their phone out. What if it means people are going to come here, looking for me? I’m breathing hard, my heart pounding.
There are also several messages from Sol. Double shit. Ishould have told him about Zach. Cold trickles down my spine at the thought I might have jeopardised everything I’ve worked so hard for, just because I decided to take a break. To do what I wanted, for a change.
I call his office, hoping I haven’t got the time zones messed up and it’s not the middle of the night there. Jared, Sol’s assistant, answers. I try to hold back my sigh of relief.
“Jared, it’s Jade.”
“Jade? Sorry, the line isn’t good.” Jared’s breezy West Coast accent is crackly.
“Listen, I might not have much time before this cuts out,” I say. “I just wanted to call?—”
“Jade? What the hell is going on?” Sol’s deep voice cuts into the conversation. “What’s this I hear about you and Zach breaking up? You said you needed a break but I didn’t think you meant from him.”
