Page 37 of Hidden with a Rockstar
"Yeah."
"That must have been horrible."
"Jo said I kept tabs on everyone’s faults. That I was weaponizing my own hard work to make people feel guilty."
"Do you think that too?"
"Yes," she says. "Maybe. I think I have been. And I don't know how to stop."
Tuesday. The office. Gerald from audit is at my desk with sunflowers at 9:30 AM.
"I was wondering," Gerald says, "if you'd want to grab dinner with me tonight. Theres this amazing place where they grill meat right in front of you.”
I remember him building this for months. The Mondays asking how my weekend was. The lattes at 10 AM. The book recommendations. He's kind and he's constructed this approach with care.
"That's really sweet, Gerald. Can I think about it?"
"Of course. No pressure."
He goes back to his desk. Ravita materializes within thirty seconds.
“Looks like someone got an admirer!” Ravita says. “That’s so sweet. Is this the reason you haven’t been hanging out with us? You two are secretly dating?”
I feel guilt immediately in the pit of my stomach.
“No, we’re not dating. Its just, I’ve just been really busy, with my family and all and it’s just been a lot.” I say, staring at her in the eye. She raises her brow.
“You can tell us, you know.” She leans on the corner of my desk. “It’s been like this for months. You bail, you go quiet. You know we see you smile at your phone and turn it face down like we can’t see you do it.”
“I’ve just had a lot on.”
“You always have a lot on. This is different.” She studies me a moment, then lets it go. “I’m not going to pry. But whatever it is, I hope it’s worth how far away you’ve gone.”
She goes back to her desk, and I sit there with an ache, and that I wish I could just tell her everything.
We're on the couch with wine and the remains of the chicken cacciatore, the plates pushed to the coffee table, and I mention Gerald.
"So Gerald asked me out this morning. Even gave me sunflowers."
Rhonda's wine glass stops halfway to her mouth.
She sets the glass down.
"He what?" she says.
"He asked me out."
"Are you going to go?"
"Hmm…I haven't decided."
"Right. Okay."
"It's just dinner."
"Sure."
"It doesn't mean anything."
