“If you didn’t have to worry about your mother. Or money. Or your reputation, what would be your dream job? What does your heart want?”
She was silent, shifting on her feet.
“No judgment. Tell me.”
“I would own my own clinic for animal healing.” Her voice was timid, as if she was embarrassed to admit it out loud. “It’s been my dream since I was a child…”
“So do it.”
“It’s not that simple. I can’t just quit my job and buy a piece of property to open a clinic. That takes time and money. Lots of money I don’t have. And I’ve spent so many years of my life working toward being dean…I’d have to give that up.”
“So?”
“So? You don’t get it. I can’t…I don’t live my life by the seat of my pants like you do.”
Ouch.
“Quitting my job and starting a new career would be reckless and impulsive. I don’t do things like that.”
I took a step forward. “Is that why you pushed me away this morning?”
I couldn’t stop myself from bringing it back up. I told her we were going to talk about it. Iwantedto talk about it. Needed to. Because I knew exactly what was going on in her brain. She couldn’t reconcile her life back home with the kind of life I lived. And whatever feelings she was developing for me…she couldn’t accept them.
“I—I don’t know.”
“Tell. Me.” My voice had gone low, serious.
“Tell you what?” Her breathing sped up.
“Why you pulled away from that kiss this morning.”
“I already told you, I don’t know,” she whispered.
Our bodies were close, only inches away. But I wasn’t going to close the distance. Not yet. Not now.
“You’re scared,” I said.
She didn’t say anything as the breeze blew a piece of her hair across her face. I reached out and took it between my thumb and forefinger, feeling the soft texture.
“You’re scared of whatever this is.”
“I don’t know what this is…” Her violet eyes were wide, confused and yet…there was a tenderness there too.
“You’re scared you actually have feelings for the troublesome professor and what it might do to your reputation…or what your mother will think.”
I knew I was right, I just wanted her to admit it.
She backed away, her hair slipping from my grasp. “Stop doing that.”
“Doing what?”
“Reading my thoughts. It’s unsettling.”
“I’m just saying you need to stop trying to plan out every detail of your life and just live. Even if it’s only temporary.”
Because right then I knew. This probably would only betemporary. Even if she was able to let loose and let me kiss her again, once we were rescued and eventually back home, she’d go back to her old boring life of stuck up colleagues and climbing the career ladder.
So I would enjoy what we had now. The friendship, the flirting. Anything she would give me.
