Page 72 of Roman Blake
“We not usin’ that word,” she said fast.
“Uh-huh,” I said. “Anyway. I think I’ma talk to Trend. For real this time. Not on some ‘you don’t do this, you don’t do that’ shit. Just… tell him I’m scared. Let him see me ugly wit’ it.”
“He need to see that,” Melissa said. “Y’all not just havin’ babies, y’all raisin’ a family. If he can’t hold your fear, y’all got bigger problems.”
I nodded, nervous but sure.
“You know you not by yourself, right?” she added. “If you need a break once they here, you can drop one off to me. I’ll take whoever not cryin’.”
I laughed so hard my belly jumped. “You ain’t shit.”
“I’m serious,” she said, smilin’. “I got you. We got you. Charlee, April, Trend’s parents, everybody. Them babies gon’ come into a whole village.”
Tears spilled over again, but this time they felt… lighter.
“You really gon’ babysit?” I sniffed.
She made a face. “Don’t get crazy. I said sometimes. When I feel like it. Don’t be droppin’ two car seats at my door talkin’ ‘bout ‘I’ll be back.’”
We both cracked up.
The heaviness in my chest didn’t disappear, but it loosened.
“I’m still scared,” I said after a minute. “But I feel… less alone in it.”
“That’s the best we gon’ get right now,” Melissa said. “Scared together.”
I nodded, leanin’ back into the pillow.
One of the twins kicked my ribs like they agreed.
I rubbed the spot, whisperin’, “We gon’ be alright, babies. Mama just needed to say it out loud.”
And for the first time in a minute, I believed myself a little.
Icouldn’t get that bathroom out my head.
Melissa’s face when she realized I’d been watchin’ her moves.
The way her voice shook between pissed and… somethin’ else.
You really insane.
This is stalker shit.
She wasn’t wrong.
Didn’t change how I felt.
But it sat on me.
Couple days later, we was all at the Philly Club 4 Play spot, closed hours, just us. I had wanted to check some shit with the manager, and Truce and Royce slid through. Trend came too ‘cause Fee kicked him out the house for talkin’ too loud on the phone.
We ended up in the back VIP, no lights but the bar glow, music low, food on the table. It felt like them old days, just with more money and more shit on our minds.
I had my drink in my hand, barely sippin’ it.
“What’s up wit’ you?” Truce asked, leanin’ back. “You quiet as fuck.”
