Page 61 of Roman Blake
She ain’t have to.
The way she moved around the house told on both of us, quiet, careful, like she was steppin’ around somethin’ fragile on the floor.
That somethin’ was us.
I was sittin’ on the edge of the bed, scrollin’ my phone, pretendin’ to look at some venue emails I’d already opened three times. Tux rental reminder. Caterer check-in. All that shit.
April came out the bathroom in her robe, hair in a scarf, face clean. She leaned on the doorframe, arms crossed.
“Royce,” she said.
I looked up. “Yeah?”
“We need to talk,” she said.
Them four words had my stomach tight instantly.
“‘Bout what?” I asked, even though I knew.
She leveled me with that look, the one that said she was tired of playin’ dumb with me.
“Don’t do that,” she said. “You been off for weeks. You think I don’t see it?”
I blew out a breath, lookin’ away. “I’m fine, April.”
“No, you not,” she snapped, voice crackin’ just a little. “You’re distant. You half-here. You zone out in the middle of conversations. Every time I bring up the wedding, you get quiet like I said funeral instead.”
I clenched my jaw, rubbin’ my hands together.
“It’s a lot,” I spoke being honest. “Shit expensive, people callin’ nonstop. That would make anybody on edge.”
She stared at me. “Is that what you want to go with?”
“You really think I believe you scared of flower invoices?” she asked softly. “Or you scared of marryin’ me?”
That one cut.
“Don’t do that,” I said, lookin’ up quick. “Don’t put it like that.”
“How I’m supposed to put it?” she asked, eyes shinin’. “‘Cause from where I’m standin’, the closer we get to this date, the further away you feel. You don’t touch me like you used to. You don’t joke like you used to. You go whole days without initiatin’ a single conversation, and when I finally corner you, all you got is ‘I’m fine.’”
Her voice broke on that last word.
I felt like shit.
I stood up, with my head down, starin’ at the floor.
“I don’t know how to do this,” I admitted finally.
“Do what?” she asked. “Love me? You already do that.”
“Not love,” I said. “The… forever part. The husband part. The ‘I’m responsible for your heart for the rest of your life’ part.”
She went quiet, watchin’ me.
“I seen too much fucked up marriage shit growin’ up,” I said, words spillin’ now that the dam was cracked. “Our parents… people around us… niggas cheating, leavin’, lyin’. Women stayin’ and dyin’ inside. I watched Roman give everything to Mo and then lose her in the worst way possible. That man ain’t been the same since. You think I look at all that and I’m not scared out my mind?”
Tears filled her eyes.
