Page 36 of Roman Blake
His jaw worked, eyes never leavin’ mine. “What you mean ‘bad way’?”
“‘Cause I know me,” I said. “I know how I get when I really like somebody. I be all in. Head gone. Ignorin’ red flags, pink flags, white flags, every color flag.” I shrugged one shoulder. “I promised myself I wasn’t doin’ that shit no more.”
“So your solution is what?” he asked. “Feel somethin’ and pretend you don’t?”
“Yes,” I said flatly. “Exactly.”
He huffed out a little laugh with no humor in it. “How that workin’ for you?”
“Was workin’ fine till you popped up on this damn island,” I snapped.
He smirked. “So it wasn’t workin’.”
I sucked my teeth. “You irritatin’.”
“Maybe,” he said. “But I’m not goin’ nowhere just ‘cause you scared of yourself.”
My fork paused halfway to my mouth. “Who said I was scared?”
He raised a brow. “You did. Might not have used that exact word, but that’s what it is. You scared to like me out loud, scaredto need me, scared I’ma turn into every nigga that disappointed you.”
He wasn’t wrong.
That was the part that pissed me off.
“I don’t need nobody,” I shot back. “That’s the whole point.”
“That’s your trauma talkin’,” he said quietly. “Not you.”
I stared at him, heat pricklin’ the back of my eyes.
“You really think you know everything,” I mumbled, lookin’ away.
“I don’t know everything,” he said. “But I know how you act when you don’t care, and I know how you act when you do. You don’t let men see you sleep. You don’t let men see you without your lashes on. You don’t roll over and tuck yourself into a nigga’s chest ‘cause it ‘just fun.’” He shrugged. “You ain’t built like that.”
His words landed heavy.
‘Cause he was right again.
I pushed my plate away and sat back, arms crossin’ over my chest like I could block him out.
“I hate you,” I said just above a whisper.
He chuckled low. “Nah, you don’t.”
I sucked my teeth. “Whatever.”
He leaned back too, studyin’ me. “Look. I’m not askin’ you to leave this island wit’ a relationship status. I’m not askin’ you to go back home and move in with me, have my kids tomorrow, none of that. All I’m sayin’ is stop lyin’ to yourself like you don’t feel shit. ‘Cause I do. And I’m not gon’ water it down to make you comfortable.”
My throat got tight.
I wasn’t used to this kind of clarity and honesty.
No games, no “we just vibin’,” no “we chillin’, see where it go.”
He was tellin’ me flat out how he felt.
And I didn’t know how to hold it.
