Page 114 of Roman Blake
“I’m not scared of you no more,” I said. “I’m scared… with you. There’s a difference.”
He tightened his hold on me.
“I can live with that,” he mumbled.
Inside, Mo’s pictures still sat on the dresser.
Right next to them now, though, there were more.
One from Royce and April’s wedding, me and Roman dancin’, my cheek pressed to his chest, his eyes closed like he was somewhere safe.
One from the little courthouse day, me holdin’ our certificate, him kissin’ my forehead while Nana cheesed hard in the background.
And one ultrasound photo, taped crooked to the corner of the mirror, right where I’d see it every time I checked myself before leavin’ the room.
He hadn’t moved her to make space for us.
He’d built around his past with our present, and our future.
All on the same wall.
For a girl who used to think she had to be the only one or nothin’, that kind of balance felt like the loudest proof of love he could’ve given me.
“I used to think this was impossible,” I said, still watchin’ the city as his chin rested on my shoulder.
“What?” he asked.
“Lettin’ somebody have this much of me without losin’ myself,” I said. “Havin’ somethin’ to look forward to that ain’t just a vacation or a check. Wakin’ up scared and still feelin’… loved.”
He kissed the side of my neck.
“You still long-winded,” he said. “But I get you.”
“You love me,” I corrected.
“That too,” he said.
I smiled, leanin’ back into him.
I wasn’t naïve.
I knew bein’ married to a man like Roman Blake, raisin’ babies with him in this crazy ass world, was gon’ come with its own storms.
We still had triggers.
Still had nights where sleep didn’t come easy.
Still had moments where fear tried to grab the wheel.
But we’d learned how to talk before we burned.
How to reach instead of run.
How to let love be loud without lettin’ it be violent.
That was our life-changing thing.
Not the ring or the baby.
The choice we made every day to stay.
“You good?” he asked one more time, ‘cause he couldn’t help himself.
I looked down at our hands on my stomach, then out at the city that had seen all my worst versions.
“Yeah,” I said, and this time I meant it from the deepest part of me. “We good.”
Scared and in love. While buildin’ a family.
And finally, finally, at peace with all of it.
