Page 26 of Numb: Poetic's Pain
It was almosttime for my meeting with Poetic and I was ready. The fact that I was missing him was real crazy to me since we had just started out as friends. My mama said it wasn’t nothing wrong with liking someone early into the relationship or friendship. I wasn’t young and we were grown, so I didn’t feel too bad. My mama’s conversations had gotten me through this long week and I was ready to sit down with Poetic. I was even ready to tell him how I was feeling about him despite knowing what he’s going through. The sound of my office door opening brought me from my thoughts. I looked up and Josh was walking in.
“Good morning! Are you feeling any better?” Josh asked. I had took some time off and told him I had the flu. I was at my mama’s catching up and feeling miserable about Poetic. I couldn’t tell Josh what happened because he would have wanted me to air a story and I just couldn’t do that to Poetic. He’s already hurting; not to mention he has a lot going on. I couldn’t get the sad look on his face out of my mind; seeing a man of his stature crying made my heart ache.
“Hello and yes I’m good.”
“Do you have anything yet with this Carol Peterson story?”
“I’m still working on it, why what’s wrong?”
“You’ve been spending so much time on this. We need a story I appreciate the story about Poetic and Dashawn, but you know the type of stories you do and they keep the ratings up. They love messy and you are the main one that delivers that.”
“Josh I have a lot going on but if you give me some time I got you.” I said being honest.
“OK, not a problem and it’s good to have you back in the office.” He said while heading out of the door. I knew what Josh wanted and I wanted to deliver, but I just didn’t know how anymore. I had feelings for Poetic in such little time and I wasn’t sure if I had it in me to do the story how I was going to do it from the beginning. I didn’t care at first how anyone was going to feel especially Carol Peterson, but now I couldn’t even picture hurting Poetic more than he was already hurting. The sound of my phone alerting me that I had a text message grasp my attention. I picked it up and there was a message from my mama.
Mama:
Good morning baby, I know today will be hard. But you got this and remember Trent is watching over us at all times. As long as your angel is around you got this.
Me:
Thanks mama! I love you!
My mama came right on time, she just don’t know how much I needed the text message. I had a couple of hours til it was time to go see Poetic. I had a couple of things to catch up on since I was out of the office for a week. So, I did that to kill some time.
* * *
I was sittingin Poetic’s lobby twiddling with my fingernails. I was a ball of nerves and prayed I didn’t trigger anything to make him kick my ass out of his office.
“Hello, Ms. Reece Poetic, is ready for you to meet him in his office.”
“OK, thank you.” I smiled while getting up and making my way to his office. I headed down to his office which wasn’t far from the lobby. The walk seemed so long even though I knew it wasn’t. I knocked on the door and he opened it. We stared each other in the eyes for what seemed like forever until he spoke.
“Hey beautiful come in.” He smiled and moved to the side to let me in. I could still see sadness in his eyes but he seemed to be in a good mood at the moment. He didn’t cancel our meeting so I assumed he wasn’t having a bad day. I stood off to the side until he told me I can have a seat.
“You can sit down and make your self-comfortable.” He said while sitting next to me.
“I didn’t know what I was going to say once we saw each other again. Hell, I still don’t know what to say or how to start this conversation off. I just really need to know are you ok?” He asked.
“Poetic, the last time I saw you was a lot, but I still feel myself wanting to be around you. I’ve been okay the whole time I just been worried about you. Are you ok?” I asked.
“I’m good Tatum.” I tilted my head to the side and gave him a look letting him know I wasn’t believing him one bit.
“Poetic, I wouldn’t be myself if I didn’t come here today with good intentions and to keep it real with you. I wouldn’t be true to myself. I’m not buying that you’re ok and not being ok is fine. You don’t always have to be strong considering what you’ve been through.” I said just above a whisper knowing this conversation was about to get real.
“Tatum what are you talking about?”
“Poetic, I explained to you what happened to my brother. So, I know what happen to you. You’re an inspiration to so many because you were able to keep going and pursue your dreams while others weren’t that strong. I know this is a touchy topic, I know you don’t want to mess up your image. I get all of that, but at the same time you’re still letting Carol win and I hate this for you.” I said being honest. He didn’t say anything he just sat and listen to what I said. I knew it was starting to hit home when his eyes started watering.
“Why does everyone want to hear my story? Why do people want me to relive that hurt? Why can’t I just go on with life and sweep this shit under the rug? Why is this shit so fucking hard?” He broke down crying causing me to do the same. I got closer to him and pulled him in for a hug and we cried together for what seemed like forever. I then pulled out of his strong hold and stared in his eyes.
“I’m sorry, I brought all of this up. Me and my mama need closure. My brother left us a letter, so we never got to actually talk to him in person about what he went through. We have been suffering with not being able to say anything for years without having proof. I know you’re a big deal out here and you don’t want your business aired out so I understand, but getting this story out is something that I need to do. I love our friendship and the last thing I would ever want to do is hurt you. The sound of heavy knocking on Poetic’s office door brought us both from our thoughts.
“Are you expecting anyone?” I asked.
“Hell, no and I’m going to fire Taylor’s ass for even letting anyone get back here.”
“I’ll go open it while you head to the bathroom to get cleaned up.”
